{"id":3656,"date":"2020-06-23T21:26:19","date_gmt":"2020-06-23T21:26:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/?p=3656"},"modified":"2020-06-23T21:26:22","modified_gmt":"2020-06-23T21:26:22","slug":"online-dating-polyamory-and-the-power-of-intentions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/2020\/06\/23\/online-dating-polyamory-and-the-power-of-intentions\/","title":{"rendered":"Online Dating, Polyamory and the Power of Intentions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>It&#8217;s been almost 2 weeks since I entered back into the world of online dating. Almost two weeks since I created a brand new profile, with new pics and new words and fresh energy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And to say I&#8217;ve been intentional about it would be putting it lightly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For the past two months I&#8217;ve been working with a candle to help me call in &#8220;quality&#8221; relationships, I set intentions daily and before I made my profile live I set a few more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This may seem like a bit much but I do this shit for everything I engage in. So why should something as significant as calling in a few lovely people into my life be any different?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-large is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>For me intention is the arrow that directs the energy. Intention keeps me honest and reminds me of why I&#8217;m doing something in the first place. It&#8217;s so easy to just do shit but when we take a moment to connect with the why, this helps us to root more deeply into the purpose. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>I make it a point to learn and grow from mostly everything I take part in. So naturally online dating isn\u2019t any different. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact if nothing else it is a school in which to come into a more rooted understanding of how I relate to others. Polyamory in general has allowed me to see and experience myself more fully and to heal more deeply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the big takeaways I\u2019ve received after being back on OKC for the past 11 days (and trust me, a lot has happened in those days including 2 zoom dates and getting ghosted, twice) is that my boundaries get stronger in proportion to how safe I feel in relating to someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With some people (and remember, all of them are strangers) I feel guarded and need to be crystal clear that we are on the same page and that I am being heard. While with others I am happy to let things flow a bit more and trust they will work out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At first I started to judge myself for this. I wondered why I couldn\u2019t be more carefree and allow things to unfold organically and simply receive with my heart open. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s the beauty of polyamory. Some relationships may lead to long term dating. Some may lead to beautiful intimate friendships. And some may lead to something I didn&#8217;t even know was possible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because of this freedom I can explore and allow and trust and things can flow. Only sometimes they can\u2019t flow. I literally won\u2019t let them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And it\u2019s not because I don\u2019t simply trust the other person. It\u2019s that I don\u2019t trust myself with them. I don\u2019t trust I won\u2019t start playing games, being manipulative and getting all tangled up in their energy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And this tends to happen with certain people more than others. People with whom I have that electric spark. And if I&#8217;m being honest it has never happened with women, only when I date men. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-large is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>We always put the &#8220;spark&#8221; on a pedestal but honestly I don&#8217;t really think it&#8217;s all that great. For me that spark often leads to a chemical attraction that has me leading with my wounds and my pussy way more than my integrity and my heart. And while I believe my pussy deserves all the pleasure she wants sometimes it&#8217;s not worth the turmoil it comes with. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>So I&#8217;m a bit more mindful this time around. A bit more clear. And yes, even a little cautious. But something really interesting has been happening&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve been showing up in this space of clarity and expressing that consistently and so far those who I tend to collide with are dropping out way sooner than they normally would. At first I was frustrated by that but then I realized that I don&#8217;t want to date those people anyway! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may look at getting ghosted by 2 people you shared your number with in 24 hours as a failure and I must admit at first I did too, but now I see that these are my intentions at work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Normally I would start seeing a person like this and the dance would begin. The problem is that we are almost never dancing the same dance. Hence the struggles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For months (a few years even) I&#8217;ve been getting really clear on what I want and why I want it. So much so that I&#8217;ve become the embodiment of just that. And anything that isn&#8217;t in alignment is sliding right off of me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And hey it&#8217;s too early to say if this will lead to what I&#8217;m looking for, but I have a strong sense that eventually it will. Because if this path I&#8217;ve been on for the past 17 years  has taught me anything it&#8217;s that our intentions and boundaries are powerful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They show the Universe that we value and love ourselves enough to ask for what we want and hold ourselves and others accountable in the process. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And let me remind you that I met my husband about a year after I set a paper filled with intentions for a partner on fire and dropped the ashes in the Ganges River on my very last day in India. So indeed, this shit works. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So the next time you do something, infuse some intention into it and see what&#8217;s happens. You are worthy of asking for what you want and even more worthy of getting it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s been almost 2 weeks since I entered back into the world of online dating. Almost two weeks since I created a brand new profile, with new pics and new words and fresh energy. And to say I&#8217;ve been intentional&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3657,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[76,84,50,52],"class_list":["post-3656","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-brittanypolicastro","tag-online-dating","tag-polyamorous","tag-polyamory","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/IMG-9461-e1592946512836.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3656","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3656"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3659,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3656\/revisions\/3659"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3657"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brittanypolicastro.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}