I May Not be Ready to Share My Grief but I am Ready to Share My Joy

I never thought I’d be going through a devastating breakup in the weeks following the most magical and beautiful commitment of love I’ve ever been a part of, my very own wedding. 

But alas I am. And this is life. Or at least life in a polyamorous relationship.

In last week’s blog I talked about how I am not quite ready to share my experiences around all of this quite yet.

I need more time to let the wisdom this pain is slowing revealing rise to the surface. And also I just need more time to feel my feelings before spilling them forth for all to wade in.

But, I am ready to share my joy.

Because grief and joy can exist at the same time. They can play on the same swing set side by side, one just tends to swing a bit higher than the other right now.

Going through a break up with a very deep love while also celebrating my recent wedding is an experience that is so unusual, surreal and against the grain (even for me) that at times I don’t quite know how to handle it.

So I’m just navigating it the best I can with breath and trust and patience. And a lot of tears.

I’m allowing those moments of joy in the midst of deep sadness and I’m choosing not to resist that joy when it wants to find me.

We received these photos last week on a day I was feeling particularly low. They reminded me of the love and joy I have in my life.

And no, that doesn’t in any way replace the love I lost. It doesn’t work that way. But it does remind me that love exists within us and all around us. And that is comforting.

So I hope you will enjoy these pics from our most magical and beautiful day. They fill me with joy every single time I look at them.

Deep gratitude to Jeff of www.wojtaszekweddings.com for capturing us and our light in such a pure and true way.

Ps The very last pic is of my girlfriends (the fly ladies) and I “dropping down almost sweeping the floor with it” per Beyonce’s request in Get Me Bodied. Despite my face I am very happy.