I Sometimes Feel Crazy for Thinking This But…

It’s not that I believe in past lives.

It’s more that I have experienced deep and profound evidence that not only do they exist but I experience flashes of them.

Especially when it comes to men.

Case in point. J.

I met J in late 2010 at a house concert my friend was throwing. He was a spoken work poet and an MC.

This was only a few months after my life-change 4-month journey which started in Brazil and finished in India.

As soon as he started to speak, before I could even comprehend the words coming out of his mouth, I started to cry.

I felt confused by this involuntary response and even more so when it happened the second time he performed.

Intrigued I sought him out after and talked to him.

We sat on the couch and it felt like he was channeling information to me. It felt different than a regular conversation.

At the end he hugged me and whispered in my ear,

It’s so good to see you again. It’s been so long. 

I froze. I never met him before. Never.

But those words shook me to the core.

I went home that night and cried for reasons I could not explain. I felt a profound sadness deep in my bones.

I started to see visions of the two of us. We were in love. We were happy. It was so beautiful.

It wasn’t until a few days later as I lay in a supported bridge on my yoga mat that I started to see the painful and terrifying pieces of our separation, which included his death.

I didn’t go deeper into that exploration. What I saw was enough.

This experience rocked my world. I never saw him again.

I only reached out to him about a year later after receiving a strong message that I should.

Informing him of what I saw was somehow necessary to bring in my next great relationship.

I met Nick, my fiance, just a week later.

While that was my most potent experience of past lives and the only time the other person felt it as strongly as I did, I’ve found that over the years I’ve received other less descriptive messages.

While they have been vague they have been so powerful. At times even paralyzing.

When I first started dating Nick I unearthed a deep fear that at times made me scared to even leave the house.

It made absolutely no sense as I never experienced trauma of the sort that would coincide with what I was feeling.

I never saw anything specific. It was just a feeling often triggered by particular types of violence.

I saw a therapist, a psychic, did workshops and trainings to plunge more deeply.

Then on two separate back to back occasions I worked with healers around this and they both said confidently and immediately that it was from a past life.

Weird shit. And I am into weird shit. But still.

I was able to release a big part of it even though I never fully understood it.

And now I feel that again with a person in my life. Different. Not as scary but deep and almost ancient.

When these kinds of feelings surface for me and I take time to be with them and look inside myself, if nothing present rises to the surface I consider the possibility that it isn’t from this life.

And honestly I still feel kind of whacko thinking that. I feel like it’s kind of a cop out.

Like I don’t want to do the work so I’m pushing it off to another life.

But I do the work. I excavate. I step into the fire. I ask the big questions.

Sometimes it’s deeper.

Sometimes it won’t make sense.

And what I’ve learned from plunging into the mystery time and time again is that the rational mind will not always be the best tool.

Sometimes you will have to trust your intuition.

I’m offering this to you because we are so much more than what meets the eye.

We are rich and deep and exquisite and powerful.

Most of us do not fully understand this.

We get glimpses but still it can be shocking.

And I’m cool if some of you are rolling your eyes right now. I get it. Trust me. I want to roll my eyes too.

But I can’t. Because this shit is real.

And the sooner we embrace the stuff that doesn’t make sense is the sooner we transcend the bullshit that holds us back.

If you have any thoughts on this. I’d love to hear. Let me know in the comments below.

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