I have always said that relationships are one of the most powerful forms of transformation.
You have this person who often acts as a mirror to bring unseen aspects of yourself out into the open. And then you have to face those pieces head on while still loving yourself fiercely.
Not always easy.
I always welcome anything that brings my shit out into the light. Because when it’s pushed down in the shadows it does me no good.
And I pride myself on being a bad ass communicator who is all abut transparency and being direct and stating my needs.
I have been lucky to have had one amazing man in my life for the past 6 years who has found his own special ways to be with all the woman I am.
It’s made communicating way easier.
Thing is, I now have more than one man in my life.
Now I’m forced to learn how to communicate in new ways. I can’t just rely on how my fiance’ and I get along. Each person is different.
And what I recently realized is that we were doing this lovely little dance.
You know, the one where neither person actually says exactly what they are feeling but try to come off light and chill and easy breezy.
That’s what I was doing.
Instead of being direct and clear about a piece of this new relationship that wasn’t sitting well with me, I tried to come off as light and cool when I’m actually deep and intense.
But I often carry this fear that those pieces of me are way too much. Especially in the early stages of a relationship, so I toned them down and packed them away for safe keeping.
Then they exploded all over the place this past weekend. That’s usually what happens when you bottle shit up.
And while I was trying to come off as easy breezy, he was trying his best not to disappoint me or make me upset. Because let’s face it, making people upset sucks.
So we danced. And danced some more. Until we started stepping on each other’s feet.
Then we decided we needed to talk.
And I was SO nervous.
Because I knew that in order for the conversation to be productive I would have to be vulnerable and super honest and even let some of my insecurities come out.
And while I am really good at doing that in some ways (like on this blog for example) when it comes to one on one it’s really scary.
Let’s face it, rejection is scary. That’s usually what we fear when we choose not to put ourselves out there fully.
I mean my fiance’, Nick, is so used to me and after 6 years it feels safe. But with someone new it’s a different story.
Still I did it.
And what I learned is that the longer we play that game with ourselves the longer we keep ourselves in the dark.
That’s what I was doing. We both were in some ways. In the beginning of a new relationship you try to be on your best behavior so the person thinks you’re swell. But that’s not realistic now is it?
So the moral of this little story is this…
You don’t need to sugar coat yourself or your feelings. They are real. They may be raw. And they deserve to be expressed and seen and heard.
The right person for you will be able to handle them. They just will.
That still doesn’t mean it’s not going to push your buttons and make you cry and be scary as hell.
And I’m not going to blame that on love. Because love is none of those things. That’s just our egos. Love is pure. Our egos fuck that shit up.
So the next time you feel yourself holding back because you are afraid that you won’t be accepted or even loved, I say go for it. Bring those pieces into the light. That is where they and you belong.
Ready for breakthroughs?? If you connect with my writing then please consider joining my weekly newsletter. I only share blog related emails. Only once a week. Nothing more. I’d love it if you were a part of our community.