Why Are Men Taking Up 90% of My Brain Space?!

Monday was a very low day for me. I basically lost my shit. 

I felt overwhelmed.

I felt sad.

I felt lost.

I literally shouted I just don’t fucking know!!! as I stood in my kitchen at what felt like miles away from my fiance’.

And that referred to everything. I literally felt like I had no idea how to move forward in my life.

It was like I was walking through quicksand with 10 pound weights on my ankles.

And for some reason it all came to a head and I exploded.

But sometimes that needs to happens.

Sometimes we need to throw up our hands and admit our confusions with life.

Because let’s face it, life can be confusing as shit.

I felt completely bogged down.

I didn’t feel like myself.

For the past few months (ok let’s be honest the past year) I have been spending 90% of my energy and brain power navigating the new waters of my open relationship.

And then another 50% of my brain power working with my coaching clients.

And then another 40% teaching my yoga classes.

And that’s about it.

Yeah, you do the math…

Honestly besides writing this blog and posting a bit on social media I have barely worked on my business. I literally didn’t have the energy.

Even if I would find pockets of time I couldn’t muster up any more juice. I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of being depleted.

I’ve been getting the Exhaustion card from my Osho Zen Tarot card deck over and over for months but it didn’t fully click until yesterday.

But then on Tuesday something shifted…

I met with my bad ass  marketing team I hired a few months back, who of course are fiercely feminine powerhouses.

We spent almost 3 hours going over their branding audits for both my coaching biz and my yoga biz.

Three hours of talking about me, my mission statements, my work, my passions.

Oh yeah, I have passions other than sexy, beautiful men and exploring my kinks. I totally forgot!

And that was the first time I had quality women time in weeks.

By the end of that meeting I felt like I was squeezed out of the birth canal and born anew.

I felt like ME.

I was spending time on ME.

I was not giving my thoughts, my concerns, my heart, my energy to other people.

I was not talking about my relationships.

As fun as they are to talk about and be in, I have other things to talk about and be in too.

We all do.

Last night I saw one of my clients and instead of talking about the men in her life we talked about HER and her goals and aspirations and what is blocking her from realizing them.

At the end of the session I asked her how it felt not to have spent our session talking about boys (as she is a heterosexual woman) and she heaved a sigh of relief and said SO GOOD.

It can be really easy to get caught up in relationships. Especially when they are new and exciting.

Or in my case when there are several.

 I have seen many women including myself get lost in the overwhelm of other people.It seems so easy to lose that balance. But when we lose that balance we lose ourselves.

And for me that means disconnecting with my purpose.

Which then means disconnecting from life.

So today (Tuesday) for me was a revival, a sharp reminder that I need to spend a little less time perseverating over other people.

Especially men in my case.

Because when you think about it, you are way more sexy when you focus on what mades you fabulous and desirable in the first place.

And that stuff is ALL ABOUT YOU.

Do you relate to this feeling of getting lost in the waters of relationships and other people?? I’d love to hear about. Let me know if the comments below.

And if you are feeling my posts then please let’s stay connected! You can do this by joining my community of fiercely feminine powerhouses and hearing all about my breakthroughs every week…

Let’s Stay Connected!!