Almost every single coaching session I have I ask my clients two questions…
How do you feel (in one word)?
What do you need?
I ask the first question because without it it’s really hard to know the answer to the second question.
And when we forget to check in with ourselves we can become disconnected and just move through the day without any real anchor.
Plus I’ve found over the years that it’s really challenging for women (men too actually) to connect with what they need.
And it’s even harder for them to ask for it.
I’ve never really had this problem. I tend to be on the other end of the spectrum. Some may even call me demanding.
Actually I’ve definitely been called that.
Of course we know that’s just a symptom of the patriarchal bullshit that tells us women need to be quiet and subservient.
Screw that.
Anyways, I’ve always been good at identifying my needs and asking for them.
I’m not afraid of being “rude” or “impolite.” I realize that sometimes my needs may clash with someone else’s and that too is ok.
I understand that asking for what I need or even simply what I want is the only way I will have the chance of receiving what I need or want.
So yeah. I know this.
And I do this.
Except when I don’t.
And this occurs when I REEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLY like someone.
When I’m a smitten kitten all that shit goes out the fucking window.
Well not entirely. I still definitely ask for my needs. That’s a must.
But I find that sometimes my emotions overpower my needs, making it harder to see what it is I actually need.
Like the other night when I hung out with my partner even though I had to wake up at 5:45am for a crazy packed day, which caused me to feel tired and grumpy all day. Even thought the night was sweet and chill and lovely.
For the most part I can manage that.
I can see my giddy girl emotions and recognize that I am also a grown women who owns a business, has clients and yoga classes and not one but TWO relationships so I need to get my shit together.
But sometimes there feels like there is this tug of war between the starry eyed teenager and the grown up.
And I’m sharing this because I’ve talked to women over the years and know that when we fall in love and when that love is really passionate and those emotions are really big that it’s really easy to lose ourselves.
It’s totally happened to me in the past.
In fact until I met my fiance’ it was my regular routine.
And I think it’s easy to put this on the other. To blame them. But here’s the thing…
We can only ever lose ourselves if we let ourselves get lost. No one can push you into the deserted town with no gas station for miles while your tank is on empty. We drive there.
And when we are in our power and recognize that all of the relationships we CHOOSE to be a part of simply add to the already full tapestry of our already beautiful and amazing lives then I think it’s way easier to stay true to who we are and what we need.
So yeah. That’s all I got. Just wanted this to be a reminder.
And yes sometimes I will stay up late and feel really tired and it will be totally worth it. And sometimes I will remember that sleep is actually more valuable in that moment.
I suppose I simply need to remember to ask myself what I need. And then actually listen.
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