Today I celebrate 38 years on this miraculous planet. Happy Birthday to me!!
This past year has been a real zinger. And as I enter into year 38 I am feeling my bones begin to settle into this new way of being that has been working it’s way through my system for quite some time.
So in honor of my born day I want to share some of my most powerful gems with you.
Get ready. I’m getting honest…
1.Couples Therapy is Amazing
My fiance’ and I started seeing our therapist last September. We were both on board from the beginning. From opening our relationship to moving into a deeper commitment to each other, it seemed like it was time to take this step.
Things were bubbling up and as a result our joyful and carefree relationship started to get weighed down by anger and arguments and disconnection.
It was a transition for us to accept this phase of our relationship as the first 5 years were mostly drama free and filled with so much joy.
But little did we know we were forming some not so helpful habits and dynamics in our relationship that only now do we see more clearly.
Seven months later we’re at a place where we are much more grounded in ourselves and each other.
We have finally found our groove in our new relationship style and it feels like we are moving into a new phase of our relationship with a stronger foundation and a deeper commitment to each other.
It’s mind blowing how impactful talking this shit out can be.
And believe me, we’ve ALWAYS communicated. But not like this. There is something about having a skilled third party be a witness to your relationship that opens up the door to healing.
A GOOD therapist will pick up those shadows you tend to hide behind and help you bring them into the light.
2. Love Languages are No Joke (Relationships Can Heal You)
I remember the first time I heard someone talk about the 5 love languages. I was in Tanzania chatting with another woman who lived in the states as the sun danced on our shoulders.
I was fascinated by them and have definitely considered their impact from time to time but it was only in this past 10 months of dating my new partner that I really began to understand their value.
Our love languages are different and it took some time to honor each other’s needs in this way. Really it’s nothing that can be forced. It simply evolved.
There were times in our relationship where I’ve felt uneasy. This relationship has really brought a lot of my stuff up.
What I’ve noticed is that once my love languages started to be nurtured more I became much more grounded in the relationship. I softened. I trusted.
I felt more seen and more heard and much more loved. It was pretty fascinating to watch and even more amazing to experience.
Now this isn’t only because of love languages. There are many factors at play.
What I’ve learned is that relationships are really here to heal you.
And honestly I am so proud of myself for stepping into one that brought up so much shit. Instead of running or pushing him away, I got honest, and real and vulnerable. As a result, I’ve allowed myself to heal.
3. I’m Kinky AF
In this past year I have tumbled into the world of BDSM.
Sure I read Fifty Shades of Grey cover to cover salivating over the very naughty scenes but besides some novelty handcuffs and a few hand slaps to my ass I never really gave it too much thought.
Now BDSM has become an outlet for a deep exploration of pain, pleasure, surrender and healing.
At first I entered into it with lust in my eyes and fun on my mind but quickly came to understand how much consciousness, honesty, rawness and communication is needed to have a healthy relationship with this kind of play.
It’s also been such a powerful way to sloth off the years of shame I collected from growing up under the strict dogma of the Catholic church. If I could use one word to describe the entire experience it would be FREEDOM.
4. My Orgasms Are My Own
For most of my sexual life I’ve succumb to the notion of someone else giving me an orgasm.
Or even the simple idea of someone being “good in bed” if they can satisfy me sexually. But in the last year (and a bit beyond that) I’ve reclaimed ownership of my orgasms.
I’ve realized that no one is actually “giving” them to me but it is a collaborative experience. Knowing exactly what I need with the person I’m with and asking for what I need has been a complete game changer.
It’s all about being present tapping in and not being afraid to speak the fuck up.
5. I’m Really Good At My New Job
In this past year I’ve started working with a lot more clients doing what like to call Transformation Coaching.
I’ve had therapists refer clients to me and even had the chance to be on a panel talking to a room of psychotherapists about what I do.
At first I felt insecure with this work because, while I have done work and trainings that have helped me hone my skills in this department, I’ve never received formal coaching training.
But more recently I’ve finally started to own my talents in this area. I’ve been attracting more and more women who are ready for this type of work and the results and breakthroughs have been astounding. To bear witness to this kind of unfolding is such an honor.
And now I am ready to dive deeper into this kind of work. In June I will be taking my first yoga therapy training. With this I hope to deepen my skills around listening and holding space for others.
This feels like a very exciting next step in my own evolution as a healer.
6. My Sexuality is Fluid
Clearly this has been a year of firsts. And this one is surely the biggest. Recently I hopped back onto Ok Cupid but instead of braving the sporadic tundra that is dating men online I went on OKC to meet women.
I’ve never identified as bi-sexual. Of course this doesn’t mean I’m not. It simply means I am still in the question.
I’ve always found women lovely and enchanting. I’ve always wanted to go on a sexual exploration with a woman but it’s taken several years for me to even accept that.
And once I started to I became very cautious. I didn’t want to sexualize women. I didn’t want to disrespect them.
I didn’t want to disrespect all of the people who identify as queer and have had to move through the mountains of judgement and ridicule that often comes with this identity.
Once I worked that shit out I was able to put myself out there. This too is still just a tiny bud. But I’m hopeful to see what it and I become.
7. It’s Hard for Others When you Change
Recently I’ve been going through oversharing whiplash. If you’ve noticed lately I haven’t talked about sex or my relationships in too much detail. I needed a break. But so did some of the people closest to me.
But I think one of the hardest things for some of those who have known me the longest (cough cough, family) is that I am not who I used to be.
I have been reborn a wild, kinky, explorative, sexual goddess with fire in my veins and the taste of passion on my lips.
And little by little I am accepting this beautiful beast inside of myself. I am setting her free.
And this is my journey. But also our own personal journies will affect those around us. Some will go on that journey with you and as a result sprout they’re own wings to fly into their own path.
And some will try to cut off your wings. Because your wings are different and scary and freak them out.
What I’ve learned is that both of these people will be part of your journey and both will benefit from your love and compassion. At the same time you never ever need to give your power away to either. That is all for you.
I’m going to be exploring many of these topics over the next few months. I hope you will continue to join me.