How in the F*ck are We Going to Pay for This Wedding?? And Other Questions Getting Married has Me Asking…

My fiance and I sat in funky leather, high top chairs at the bustling bar of a very cool coffee shop in Germantown creating our wedding invitations.

Our trusty Wedding Wire app annoyingly reminded us we were overdue on this particular task. And like 10 others. But I’m a procrastinator!! I wanted to shout at it. I don’t think it would have cared.

We got engaged in November 2016 and decided not to get married until September 2018. So we had LOADS of time.

Until the next thing we knew our special day is 5 months away and we still hadn’t set out our save the dates. (Did it this weekend via text and a pretty little infographic. Take that Wedding Wire app!!)

We have the big things done- picked the venues and the caterer and the DJ and the photographer.

But yesterday as we went down that list that seriously sounds like an over achieving high school honors student we realized just how much shit we have to do.

And how much money we are going to spend…

I could feel the both of us slowly begin to constrict. Deep breaths were a plenty as were lots of lip buzzes.

It probably won’t come as a surprise that I do not have that bride gene. I used back in the days of rich doctors and dreams of big white cupcake dresses but it was extracted along with my need for monogamy and a dream house in the suburbs. 

Yet I am consciously still choosing to engage in this day and I can’t help but feel I’m part of the consumerism racket.

I mean I totally am. Most of us are to some extent. But still, someone who is so conscious and intentional, who goes against the grain every chance I get, I feel torn and a little confused.

I am so excited to have a day to celebrate our love and our commitment to each other.

I feel like this day is a gift not just us for us but for those who love and support us. It feels like a special contribution that will leave everyone feeling so very happy.

And it’s going to be fairly small and intimate with only 75 people with most of the vendors being friends and colleagues we are connected to so we are able support other creative entrepreneurs in the process.

Its all very beautiful and conscious and intentional.

But still I can’t help but question why we are spending so much money. Compared to most weddings I know it’s not a lot but I’m having a REALLY hard time wrapping my head around it.

It’s one day. One single day.

We could travel for a month. Or put a downpayment down on a house. Or pay off debt. Or support a charity.

And I can’t help but feel a thimble full of envy for those people who’s parents cover the cost. I can’t help but wonder if they take that tremendous gift for granted.

It feels like some do with the demands and over the top needs and wedding dresses that cost almost as much as our entire wedding. It just seems like this is something we all do- pay all of this money for one day.

And lately I’ve been doing REALLY well in my coaching business. But with each new client that comes there is this little nagging voice that is telling me I have do make more and do better.

Ugh, lack mentality. It’s the worse.

And I know I chose this and I didn’t need to. We could have had a small dinner of 15 people and called it a day.

But instead we opted in for the day. Because we want a celebration damn it!! Our outgoing personalities demand it.

We want to eat delicious food and dance for hours and get dressed up and have our special people bare witness to our love and commitment surrounded by trees and sun and sky.

So now I’m struggling with how to make it my own. How to make sure I’m not getting sucked into the way everyone else does it. How to be mindful of the pull to spend and buy and make it perfect.

How to not get too attached to this one day. Because it’s just a day. And like any other day it holds as much magic and potential and love. 

And I’ve chosen to put my money into this one day. Even though it feels kind of crazy to do so.

And I know that my manifesting ass will bring in everything we need for our day. I know this.

I just needed to clear some of the bullshit, which is why I wrote this blog post. Holding it in and pretending its all good isn’t gonna do it

And with the full moon is Scorpio it is the perfect time to do so.

Once our energies align with what we want and stop second guessing ourselves it all falls into place.

And that’s what I’ve been doing. Second guessing myself because I feel guilty for spending this money on a wedding. Because I’m edgier than that. I go against the grain. I’m a rebel god damnit!!

And yet I’m all of those things. But Im also getting married. And I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. So clearly, this is me.

Sometimes we need to accept the pieces of ourselves that are like everyone else. It’s much harder for me to do that but calling myself our here helps.

So what about you? Any advice? Thoughts? Tips?? I’d love to hear. Leave them in the comments below.