My Sexuality. Me.

Labels. We use them to create communities, to identify ourselves in all different kinds of ways.

We use them to create connection. We use them to create separation. To judge. To disqualify.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with labels.

I’ve never really liked calling myself a vegetarian because I eat fish and saying I’m pescatarian has always felt like if I said that word my voice would suddenly change to a very snobby tone and my nose would perch hi into the air. (Shout out to my pescatarians. That’s my shit. Do you.)

Yet I’m totally comfortable referring to myself as Poly. For some reason this feels great to me.

Some labels I embrace and some I resist. So as I approach this blog I’m feeling a bit cautious. A bit detached even.

I know I am attracted to women.

I know that recently I met a bisexual woman whom I genuinely liked and who if circumstances were different I would hands down, no questions asked date her.

I know that I enjoy being sexual with women and would like to explore this more.

I know that I’ve been on dates with 2 women and while I didn’t gel with them this doesn’t mean I don’t like women. I don’t gel with a lot of men either.

But at this moment the word bisexual feels a little sticky to me.

Like when I say it it feels like I’m wearing a puffy vest that is filled with wrenches, pennies and marbles spilling from the pockets.

Or maybe it’s more like this really awesome dress that fits really well in certain places but is a little tight and uncomfortable in others.

And I think this is because bisexuality is one part of the LBGTQ community.

And while I fully support and respect and celebrate all things LBGTQ, I don’t feel like I am a part of that community. At least not yet.

Not because I don’t want to be or because I’m worried I won’t be accepted. More because I don’t feel like I’ve earned it.

A lot of people in these communities have been deeply disrespected, marginalized and judged. That is not my experience.

And I know that this isn’t the prerequisite for being a part of this community. It’s just what comes up for me.

But also being queer is simply not a label I connect with. At least right now. All I know is that there is more to my sexuality than being attracted to men.

So, on the last week of Pride, I wanted to put my this out there. Because I think being bisexual can have a particular stigma.

And just because it’s really easy to fly under the radar while currently dating two men doesn’t mean that I should.

So I’m putting it out there. It feels a little messy. A little unresolved. A little clunky.

But if we wait for things to be perfect before sharing them with the world we are missing out on the beautiful opportunity of being vulnerable, honest and true. 

So here’s to speaking our messy, clunky, unresolved truths.