I was sitting in front of my laptop trying to figure out what to write about and consistently coming up with crickets.
So I asked myself, what are you working on in our personal life right now, that’s what you always write about?
The answer is money. This month money has been occupying much of my brain space.
And then I realized why I didn’t have anything to talk about.
Because I don’t talk publicly about money all that often.
I mean most of us don’t.
Yet I push the edge when it comes to the other super tabu topic of sex and talk about that until my toes turn blue.
But that’s not really an edge for me anymore. It’s an edge for others.
So this week I’m pushing my own edge in a new way and am talking about money.
What fun. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)
Money is always at the forefront of my awareness. I’m actually part of a year long course that helps people work consciously with money on both spiritual, emotional, practical and logical levels.
But recently it’s been more like a woodpecker going to town on my frontal lobe.
And this is because this month has been financially slower than usual.
It has felt like money has been doing a slow back away from me while I’m left scratching my head wondering if it was something I said.
Yet last year my July was wildly abundant. In fact it was one of my most profitable months of 2017.
Add the fact that my fiance’ and I are getting married in September and paying for the wedding out of pocket and you’ve got the perfect breeding ground for self doubt and fear to fester.
For several months money was really flowing but I wasn’t able to fully receive or appreciate it because I had this nagging feeling that I needed more to pay for our wedding.
Total lack mentality. Not a ton of gratitude. Money isn’t a fan of that.
I began questioning my work.
My abilities.
My talents.
Even my bad-assery.
In other words I let my self worth get all tangled up in my money story.
Of course I did, we do this shit all of the time.
I let the fact that I am having a slow month dictate how I felt about myself to the point that in moments of super duper stress I felt like a loser. Ridiculous, I know. And in the moment I knew it too but it didn’t stop the feeling from bubbling to the surface.
It’s half way through the month and I’ve managed to shift my perspective and of course as a result money is starting to flow again.
Because here’s the thing…
Money isn’t really personal. It’s just paper. Even deeper it’s energy. It’s an exchange.
Yet we often attach so much of our value and and worth to it.
It’s basically like we’re walking around with a big price tag tied around our heads.
But when we can realize that while money can be VERY emotional it can also be very practical because it’s just money, we can start to ground ourselves in remembering we aren’t the money we make. We simply make money.
For me I find when I don’t wrap myself up too deeply in it’s emotional tangles I do much better.
I can remember that I am a person that makes money and that my value and my worth have nothing to do with any dollar sign.
I hope you remember that too.