Sunday morning I lay in bed as simple tears trickled down my face and the feeling of a 1000 pound weight lifted not just from my chest but from my entire body.
I was experiencing a breakthrough.
Seconds before I had voiced a realization about a piece of myself. Something that for weeks I had been asking the question why like a toddler who’s trying to understand how everything works for the very first time.
Once the words floated from my lips my visceral response solidified that what I had been seeking for weeks, in that very mundane Sunday morning moment I had found.
Now here’s the thing. I’m not going to tell you what my breakthrough was.
I know, it’s kind of weird that I’m not sharing it since this is indeed called The Breakthrough Blog.
But this one is mine. We are still getting to know each other and she still has more truths to reveal. So I’m keeping her to myself.
Instead I want to talk about my process of coming to this breakthrough.
So often there are palpable opportunities to take challenging moments and use them for deep transformation. But if we get so consumed in trying not to feel our feelings, pain and discomfort those moments will pass us by.
Of course there isn’t one way to move through transformation as long as you are doing so consciously but that’s the tricky part.
For me the past month of healing from a breakup while just getting married to my anchor partner (#polylife) was a process of finding what worked for me and really listening to myself.
But I was afraid I was avoiding my grief or would fall into the old habits and patterns that ended my relationship in the first place. It felt and still feels like a very slippery slope to navigate.
So during this time I have had some bad ass dependable pillars in place that have kept me honest, awake, aware and on purpose in my process of healing.
#1. Yoga Yoga Yoga
I’ve been practicing yoga in a studio 5-6 times a week. And my practice hasn’t been crazy strong and powerful. It’s been gentle and honest and raw. I didn’t push myself until I was ready to. My body had been exhausted.
But the thing about the yoga practice is that it works behind the scenes while you go about your day. It harvests the truth little by little until at any given moment it comes flooding to the surface of your consciousness. The more you practice the more this process works.
#2. Daily Meditation
Twice a day and I never miss a day. Now this is a practice that I’ve been doing for the past four years but recently I’ve added a beautiful kundalini meditation to heal a broken heart. It’s awesome, albeit quite uncomfortable at the time.
Please note, our hearts break for many reasons beyond romantic experiences. If you feel drawn to this go for it. We all could use a little heart healing these days.
#3. Lots of Alone Time
This one feels key. In order to really sit with and feel our feelings around whatever is troubling us we must release all the distractions of people, social media ect. Sometimes we just need to be with ourselves.
For me this was heading to a yoga ashram for a few days where I spent lots of time alone. And spending time on long solo hikes. But also it was staying home this past Saturday night to simply watch a movie and eat take out.
This last part was actually really challenging for me. Not because I was alone but because I was alone on a Saturday night. For me Saturdays have in the past few years been my time for fun and dating. So sitting home on one pushed a lot of my buttons.
Please note that the next day I experienced my breakthough…
#4. A Little Distraction Goes a Long Way
While I made space for being alone and feeling my feelings, I was also gentle with myself when I wanted to be distracted. I mean I wasn’t about to wade in my shit 24/7.
The difference was that when I was distracting myself say by scrolling Tinder or thinking about someone knew ect, I was either aware of it or became aware of it.
I did so as consciously as I could and often I tried to give myself a time limit or I realized what I was doing and chose to redirect my attention to something that would be a bit more nourishing.
This once can be tricky. But really to me this is about kindness. If you notice yourself totally checking out lovingly guide yourself to check back in.
#5 Receive Support of All Kinds
I know I can take up a lot of space with my big feelings and emotions. So as a result I try to monitor that. If I’ve been talking for a while about myself with a friend I will make sure I turn the convo back to them. I will make sure the energy is balanced.
Recently though I realized that the loves in my life wanted to be there for me because I was having a hard time. So I let them. I received their love knowing that I give them a lot of love to. End (and beginning) of story.
#6. Release Control
Fuck, this one is hard for me. But recently I’ve been playing with it. What a fun game (she says with sarcasm dripping from her tongue).
For me this looked like not making plans, not reaching out, letting others come to me, letting opportunities come to me. Trusting that they will. Not needing to take the reigns.
This one is still a work in progress but I feel lighter as a result.
So this was my process. There is still much work to be done.
And of course this won’t be your exact process if you find yourself in the midst of deep transformation. I think finding your own version with your own ingredients is key. But this is certainly something to wrap your lovely brain and heart around.
At this point my process is no longer just about healing from a breakup, I’m beyond that point. Now, because I said yes to this deep and painful catalyst I submerged myself into healing deep wounds that go beyond the surface, the present and the familiar. This is where the REAL healing begins.
I hope you find this helpful. Really we all need to find our own way. But sometimes it’s nice to have a little guidance, love and support as we do.
I’d love to hear your process for healing and moving through deep transformation. Please leave your ideas in the comments below or DM me.