On Sunday, after misplacing my phone and checking the usual spots twice, I walked outside to find it face down in the street.
At first I was happy to have found it. Then it hit me. It’s in the middle of the street. Not a good sign.
Sure enough, the screen was now decorated with dozens of intricate cracks which, when I attempted to put in my password threatened my fingers with tiny cuts.
So minutes before I was about to teach a 5 hour yoga training a tool I used for music and time keeping was gone.
But what happen next surprised me.
That creeping feeling of panic that comes with being without a phone for the next several hours didn’t follow. I felt errily calm and even liberated.
And at the end of the day I went and purchased a new phone that is actually costing me less than I was currently paying. Done and done.
I’m noticing in the past few weeks that this way of being feels more and more accessible.
I like to call it “following the breadcrumbs.”
I’ve simply been looking at what’s in front of me and moving from there.
If something isn’t what I thought it would be instead of that constriction of control clawing at my just I just shift gears.
If this potential client isn’t ready to work with me then the next one will be.
If that new relationship wasn’t a fit it’s all good because why would I want something that isn’t making me feel good?
If this potential speaker can’t be apart of the new project I’m working on, another one will.
Basically my grip on mostly everything has softened.
How the hell did this happen wonders the recovering control freak.
In the past I’ve had HARD ideas of how something was supposed to turn out and if it didn’t I would push and kick and claw my way through that wall until either it caved in allowing me to see why it wasn’t a fit or it didn’t budge and I wound up with blood stained fingernails and a broken foot.
Instead of looking at what was before me I clung to what I THOUGHT should be so much that I often became blind to the dope shit that was right in front of me.
But lately that’s not the case.
I’ve been so deeply tapped into my own current that I have birthed a new level of trust that feels unprecedented in my world.
And this doesn’t mean I still don’t have moments of struggle. I do. But when I feel them I simply look in to see what it is that I need.
If I listen the answers are there.
I often work with clients that push hard against where they are in their life.
They are here and they want to be there. They feel this and they want to feel that way.
And lately I’ve been encouraging them to simply be with it.
To feel it. To breath in it. To follow where their bodies and their lives are asking them to go.
And I want to offer this same perspective to you.
Is there something you want SO bad that isn’t happening?
It’s not supposed to yet. And that’s ok.
Is there a big ass decision you feel you need to make?
Look at the ways it’s already been made for you.
Because if there is something you are trying to figure out and feel stuck around that’s your answer.
If you want to take that job you will take it.
If you want to make that move you will make it.
If you want to break up with that boo you will do it or it will end some other way.
You aren’t stuck or blocked. You already know the answers. You’ve actually already answered them. Just look around you. They are all there. I know this probably sounds like new age bull shit but trust me when I say that life isn’t actually that complicated.
If we open our eyes we will see it’s all already happening. We just need to live it.
In the past few months I’ve dug deeply into myself and it seems that these are the truths I’ve unearthed. And while that journey was painful as fuck I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Even though I just went through a painful breakup I’m not afraid of putting myself out there again when the time is right.
Sure my heart could get broken again but I trust that what my life wants to give me will continue to guide me more deeply onto my path of healing and rebirth and magic.
It’s all a part of it.
And fuck, I really don’t know why this wisdom is spilling out of me right now. I mean I do, I’ve worked my ass off to get out of my own way because it’s always been here. But still when I look back at the hot mess of a Philly girl I was in my twenties, I must say it’s a bit mystifying at times.
So I ask you, what would it look like to surrender to your life? To trust in it’s unfolding? Take a breath before you ask yourself that one. You already know the answer.