Every night before bed I make sure to leave my phone downstairs and nowhere near my bedroom.
Because if I did I know I would be all over it before I fell asleep and as soon as my eyes peel open from their slumber.
So yeah, I feel good about that.
But if I’m keeping it real I have to admit that in the past few months I have become way more occupied with social media. Instagram to be specific.
It’s the one spot I use to communicate with my tribe, my friends sometimes and my boos.
And usually I do that and barely even scroll or look at stories or posts because to me it’s about connection and putting my message out there.
However my habits with Instagram shifted after my breakup and once I stopped dating.
That piece of myself that gets off from texting potential boos and flirting and making plans is no longer being fed so I find myself turning to social media to satiate her.
And I can feel that pull viscerally in my body. It’s a steady sensation from my chest that pulsates in my throat. It feels like a craving or a clawing.
But what am I REALLY needing?
To be seen? To be validated? To be desired??
Probably all of the above if I’m being honest.
For someone who grew up in a time where social media was but a glimmer in Mark Zuckerberg’s eye and texting wasn’t even a thing, this shit is still mind blowing to me.
Good lord, I sound like a grandma. But it’s true.
The fact that I can see who is following my stories (and zero in on people I’ve dated or have a crush on) sometimes feels creepily addictive and teenagery.
I’m almost 39 for the love of god. What is happening?!
Russell Brand talks about this type of addition and says that this, like all additions is basically the need for that dopamine rush that feels like love and connection.
So in these moments when I have this compulsion towards social media that I can literally feel coursing through my veins I must stop and ask myself, what do I need that I’m not getting through genuine connection and through my relationship with myself?
Where am I not seeing, hearing and loving myself?
Because lately I have been loving the shit out of myself.
This weekend I spent most of my time teaching a yoga immersion that felt so damn good and I even took myself out for a date on Saturday and had the best time ever.
But still what’s the deal with the need I have right now?
I mean I know what it is.
I’ve gotten so used to dating for the last 2.5 years since opening up my relationship that now in a moment when I am not putting myself out there in this way, I am craving that particular kind of energy.
That new, excited energy but also that specific validation.
When something is absent it is often easier to see our attachment to it.
So I’m using social media and chatting with others ect to fill in that missing link but what I really need to do is to keep diving into myself and stop taking the easy way out.
Being aware and conscious and accountable is a pain in ass some times, let me tell you.
But also I notice that when I can’t spend as much time with my yoga practice or working out that pull gets even stronger.
Awareness. It’s so important when it comes to these unconscious habits that can zap our energy and give the false impression of feeding our souls but in reality are simply sucking us dry.
So this week I’m challenging you to check in with yourself and see where you stand in you relationship with social media.
It ebbs and flows for sure as mine certainly has but where are you right now? And what can this offer you about your relationship with your heart and your Self?
Take a breath and give it some thought. Then hit me up in the comments and let me know.
Or DM me on Instagram. I mean I’m not giving it up cold turnkey or anything…