I can’t help but feel like I’m moving towards something right now.
It feels challenging to simply be.
Because so many things are changing and ending and morphing into something else.
SO. MANY. THINGS.
First there’s the project I’ve been working on for the past 6 months. It’s here! It’s happening.
Just like that it’s beginning but at the same time ending. It only lasts for seven days.
So as soon as I really put it out to the world I am also feeling that it will be complete.
I’m holding space for all of this at once. I’m holding space for all the women who are connected to this summit but also for myself and all of my hard work.
Soon this work will come to and end and A LOT of space is going to open up for me. I will no longer be pouring a huge amount of my time and energy into it.
The work I’ve put into this project has been such a gift because its allowed me to drop so deeply into my purpose and therefore into my power. Even though I have a lot of emotional stuff going on in my life, when I take the time to engage with this work I feel reunited with my favorite pieces of myself.
Then there is my relationship with my ex. Yup. We’re still trying to figure this shit out.
And it’s happening, layer by layer.
And I’ve finally accepted that there is no rushing this process. Well at least right now I’ve accepted it.
That and the fact that things will continue to be uprooted a bit.
Roots take a while to grow, especially when the first set had to be ripped out of the ground.
One thing we are certain of is that we can no longer have a sexual relationship.
This is crystal clear. So clear that it has become our mantra to each other.
I’m not kidding. We really use it as a mantra.
It’s funny and silly but at the same time is helping us to be mindful of these shifts we know we need to make if we want to be in each others lives again.
So I know I need to mourn this piece. Because while I did in the past, when he came back I was still so attached to our chemistry that I felt for sure we would be exploring it again.
But also I need to hold space for these shifts. And for the uncertainty that comes with it. Because shit is uncertain.
I want so badly to just move into a new normal with him but that might not happen for a while. And I need to be ok with that.
Then there is something else that could be coming to an end. This one is BIG. Only I don’t know if it’s coming to an end.
It’s just a possibility. Luckily it has a time line.
But unfortunately I can’t tell you exactly what it is. I need to keep it to myself. For now.
Don’t worry, it’s not yoga teaching or anything to do with my career or my relationship with Nick. I’m also not moving.
But this ending could affect others and it will certainly affect me.
Just the idea of these shifts has brought up buckets of thick and chunky emotion that feels like it has been rotting inside of me for years.
I literally sat in my bathtub the other day and cried as I felt it rush out of me. Until it felt like the water was clear.
So the theme right now is change. But it doesn’t feel like just any kind of change. It feels like paradigm shifts.
And I can actually see the finish line for many of these changes but it doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s like I am moving from one way of being to another and in that change I am being asked to let go of pieces of my personality that are as familiar as the lines on my hands or the feeling of my breath as I inhale.
And while I know that there is choice in how I am engaging in these shifts, at the same time it feels like it’s happening whether I’m ready or not.
And what I find the most challenging is practicing acceptance in these moments. Being present.
Because I don’t feel present. I feel like I am being pulled into something new. Something else. My attention is forward.
Instead of trying to force myself into feeling or being a different way I am just letting myself feel and be however I am.
While I may not be accepting the time it is taking for these shifts to happen I taking comfort in accepting how I feel about them.
This is my normal. For now. And when it changes. That will be my normal. Step by step.
This feels like a kindness I can give myself.
Often we want to plant our feet firmly in the security of knowing what will happen next. But sometimes that’s not our moment and we need to accept it.
I’d love to hear from you. Do you feel similar right now? Are you moving towards a new way of being? A lot of my clients are going through similar situations. Let me know in the comments below.
And if you want in on my new project, Mystic Women Rising there is still time! CLICK HERE to sign up for free!