Over the past 16 years of teaching yoga I’ve gotten this assumption flung at me from time to time.
Oh, you teach yoga? You must be so relaxed.
To which I usually respond with a smile and a simple, no, not really.
But in the past few weeks I’ve been connecting to my relationship with stress. Like really considering how stressed I am and how my body responds to this stress.
If you read last week’s post you will know that my body has been in a form of wild rebellion for the last 4 months with a recurrent HSV outbreak that I can’t seem to shake.
Although right now I’m doing good so fingers crossed that my health regimen is working.
The common theme that has been popping up repeatedly is that word.
Stress.
This could be my body’s response to stress. Have I been experiencing a lot of stress lately? Could my immune system be taxes in a new way?
When I think about stress I feel very disconnected to it. Like it’s something over there that happens but it doesn’t actually affect me.
I have this very detailed image of a high powered stock broker in his mid-forties with grey patches for side burns and panic etched into the grooves of his chiseled face at the bar downing whisky like it’s his actual job. This is what I think of when I think of someone who is stressed. Ridiculous, I know.
He’s unhappy. He’s overworked. He’s disconnected from his body. He rarely tastes the sweet nectar that is joy.
If THIS is my image of stress, then of course I don’t connect with it. I am none of these things.
My work is deeply enriched with purpose and connection and I joy.
I meditate twice a day, work out twice a week and practice yoga 2-3 times a week.
I often start my mornings with a cup of tea, a book and a super foods smoothie.
I have loving relationships that allows for connections and joy and fun.
With all of this how could I possibly be stressed?!
It feels like I don’t have the right to be stressed.
But this is all bullshit. In reality I am indeed STRESSED. What a clever method I have devised to not deal with it.
I can see it clearly now. Stress can come in many disguises. Stress is a normal function of life and our bodies are equipped to handle it.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, stress is a normal reaction the body has when changes occur. It can respond to these changes physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Stress becomes an issue when it’s more than we can handle or when it’s continuous and without reprieve.
Hmm so if stress is the body’s reaction to change then that really opens the door for stress to take on a lot of different names.
For example, grief can be stress.
Shame can be stress.
Guilt can be stress.
Connecting with this was big for me. I felt a ton of grief after my breakup coupled with the guilt of just being married to my husband but also feeling devastated about said breakup.
So not only did I feel these feelings but I didn’t feel like I had the space or even the right to feel these feelings.
Stress on top of stress. It’s the shittiest kind.
So when this reoccurring outbreak began months ago and my doctor asked me if I’ve been under stress, I easily said no more than usual.
In reality at that time I had 2 bacterial infections, a horrible cold, an outbreak and was a puddle of straight up sorrow. I was a mess.
Yet when asked if I was experiencing stress I said no. I genuinely didn’t think I was.
As a result I haven’t been looking at this as a very logical cause of my recurring outbreaks. I’ve been too caught up in all of the deeper more profound reasons.
I often talk about spiritual bypass as something those who conduct themselves in the spiritual realm take when they don’t want to own their shit and truly connect with their part in the deeper issues our world faces but also spiritual bypass can be the perfect way to avoid our own personal shit as well.
Instead of looking at and connecting with my stress in a simple and honest way, I tried to find a deeper meaning.
And hey, this shit happens, I made it here now. For some reason I wasn’t ready to admit it quite yet.
Admitting it felt like I was doing something wrong. Like I wasn’t fitting the identity I’ve taken years to grow into. Because spiritual, conscious, yoga teaching bad ass women like myself don’t get stressed.
Only they do. Believe me, I know a lot of them and they definitely experience lots of stress.
Because guess what, we are human and as humans we are not except from this state.
Acceptance really goes a long way my friends.
It feels like this all comes down to recognizing our humanness and with it our imperfections. The next step after that is love.
I know, I ended on a woo woo note. But it’s true.