I was sitting at my desk getting ready to write this very blog when a Facebook message popped up on my screen.
It’s a wonder I even saw it as I no longer have Facebook on my phone and I rarely check it.
It was from a teacher and friend who teaches yoga at the same studio as I do.
The conversion went something like this…
Ass-saving yoga teacher friend: Hey I’m here to take class. Are you still teaching??
(This was two minutes before the class was supposed to start.)
Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
(The dread started to creep up my spine and down the back of my neck followed by the rush of adrenaline pulsing through my veins.)
Me: Omg shit I totally forgot. I’m 30 minutes away.
Me: Can you do it?? Omg I’m so sorry.
ASYTF: Haha yeah sure.
Yup, I was supposed to sub a yoga class and I totally forgot.
It wasn’t even on my radar and I never put it in my calendar and the email reminder never made it’s way to inbox because my email was incorrect.
Clearly I wasn’t supposed to teach the class.
And everything worked out just fine. The class was taught and now I owe my friend a big fat favor because she was magically there to save my ass.
But that’s not how my mind saw it…
My mind took it as an opportunity to pour buckets of shame all over me.
I felt irresponsible. And stupid. And like there would be all of these profound affects just because I made one little mistake.
A mistake that I’ve never made (at least I don’t remember making) in 16 years of teaching.
A mistake that actually worked itself out rather well. Thank you Universe. And ass-saving yoga teacher friend.
I’m sharing this with you because many of us do this shit all the time.
Often times when someone makes a mistake and insecurity is lurking beneath the surface one of two things happens:
Either they use it as an opportunity to pile on the shame and guilt or they shut down and deflect by slapping the blame on someone else.
Both are rooted in insecurity and fear. Both not that helpful.
But it has me thinking about how to handle a mistake.
I don’t want to down play it so much that I don’t learn from it and acknowledge it but I also don’t want to pile on the mental insults either.
For me owning it, apologizing, learning and moving on is the best course of action.
Sometimes we are looking for any excuse to be shitty to ourselves and in our hyper-critical, judgemental AF world, making mistakes creates an alluring opportunity to rustle up our deepest self doubt. Even if it has nothing to do with said mistake.
For me in those moments it’s important to call myself out in two ways.
First by owning up and second my giving myself a fucking break.
You will make tons of mistakes in your lifetime. So will I. So will Oprah. Ok maybe not Oprah.
The point is that you can be both firm and loving with yourself. There is totally room for both.
Now if you excuse me I better go check my calendar. See, lesson learned!
1 comment
Brittany, I read your blog and when it comes to making mistakes, it is very important to forgive ourselves and be honest about it. I left my position as a hospital chaplain going on two years. It was the right decision for me. I had also began training in Gestalt Pastoral Ministry. I am moving away from it because much younger participants were talking about having to get SW Masters to be able to practice. The chaplain work was good for me and I knew what I ws doing. The re-certification process occurred each five years. You had to show proof of continuing ed 50 hours a year on several disciplines. Training used to be free. Now you pay. Part of this process was also getting my parish priest to write a letter to the bishop about me. The response he gave was that he could endorse us for our studies but not take it ti mean we ere sanctioned by the Roman Catholic Church to do your ministry. I have left the Catholic Church. I don’t miss it. I don’t question myself but look for ways to continue growing. Life is too short, mistakes happen, we’re not perfect. My yoga practice is leaning toward yin yoga and getting 200 hours of training in it.
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