The Last Few Days of My Thirties…

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I have been looking forward to turning 40 for years.

So many of my female role models seem to have become the most empowered versions of themselves in their 40’s.

There is something about this upcoming decade that delights and excites me. Part of that has to do with how wildly transformative and surprising my 30’s have been.

If someone would have come from the future and told me all the shit that was going to happen I would have told them they have the wrong lady. Nothing about the unfolding of my life these past 10 years was what I expected.

And really it all started off with my 4 month trip to Brazil, Tanzania and India. A trip that showed me what I was capable of and where my heart existed in real life. A trip I raised over $12,000 to take.

And when I returned my life took on a direction that I stayed with for many years. I cocreated a very special yoga teacher training that once again sent me all over the world this time building schools with our yoga trainees.

To date I’ve taught yoga to children in over 8 countries and each time it filled my heart with so much joy and love.

And this was my life for the first half of my thirties. Travel. Service work. Yoga. And of course my love.

We met in 2011. He’s been a part of most of my thirties. And the journey we took together feels nothing short of a miracle.

On my final day in India I had a wildly transformative experience that brought me to a state of zero thought for about 30 minutes. I never felt more clear. In that time I burned a piece of paper that had been with me for most of my journey.

It was a list of things I wanted in a partner. And after I burned it I put it in the Ganges river and dunked myself several times.

One year later I met Nick. This is the first picture ever taken of us in 2011.

In the years that followed we allowed each other to evolve and grow and make mistakes and be exactly who we were always meant to be. Thank god for this. It’s why I am where I am today.

Because the second half of my thirties took a sharp turn. My travel and service work and teacher training was complete. It was time to find out who I really was.

So of course in 2016 I began this blog and began that journey.

A journey that would take me to places I didn’t even realize were possible.

Like revealing my HSV+ status to hundreds if not thousands of supportive responses.

To opening our relationship and connecting with being polyamorous and moving through the tumultuous roller coaster of loving more than one person when I had no idea what I was doing.

To connecting with my bisexuality and starting to explore with and date women.

To diving deep into the world of kink and exploring pieces of myself I didn’t even know existed.

To having my first threesome, and my second and my third… ok you get the point.

To getting married in exactly the way I wanted with a ritual that still lights me up.

To experiencing my first heartbreak (yes it was the true first) just 4 days later.

To making the very challenging decision not to have children.

To choosing to follow my passions and moving into training to become a tantric sex and relationship coach.

Wow. So much that happened in my 30’s I never in a million years could have ever planned. Ever.

These last 10 years have reminded me that life unfolds with or without us but when we are fully and passionately along for the ride saying yes to both the things that make our toes curl and the things that scare the shit out of us, life has a way of taking us exactly where we need to go and the ride is even sweeter.

The grief, the pain, the passion, the unforgettable joy, the love. Oh the fucking love.

I’ve learned so fully that this life is meant to be LIVED. Fully. Unapologeticly. Wildly. Lovingly.

I feel complete with my thirties. And so ready to rock the shit out of my 40’s.