This weekend I had the pleasure of spending both days teaching about sex and sexuality. Eight hours each day of thinking and talking engaging in mindful and loving conversation about sex, pleasure, body image and capitalism, fantasy, touch, healing and our conditioning around all of this.
It’s in those moments I pinch myself as say “this is my job!!” It’s pretty amazing.
Someone I went to high school with actually attended and it made me so happy that I could provide them with this kind of support and education.
It’s not very often I am surrounded by people who remind me of a time when I was much different, full of potential and had literally no idea what was in store for me.
A time where I didn’t know how to access my truth and instead allowed myself to be controlled by the social norms I was fed from a very young age.
And it’s not often that I think about how so many people who used to be a part of my life no longer are.
It’s not that I pushed those memories out, I simply moved on and didn’t really feel the need to look back other than for the purpose of healing.
At least not in a way that concerns myself with what anyone from my past may think.
But this weekend I considered it. I considered that thanks to the connectivity of social media all of these people can still see what I’m up to. And some of them may have some judgments.
And this fascinates me, the idea that people no longer in my life could have a strong opinion about me and the way I’ve chosen to live it.
It’s one thing for people who are IN my life to have judgments (still it’s bullshit, but I at least understand why that might feel threatening) but those no longer in my life, that shit cracks me up.
And let me be clear, I am not bothered or worried by this. It flashed into my mind and I felt a twinge for about 30 seconds and then it passed leaving just pure interest and fascination.
I don’t really consider my life and the way I live it as “unconventional.” Because to do that confirms that there is a “normal”way to live and an “abnormal” way to live and I no linger believe that to be true.
I used to believe it. For years I tried to squeeze my big feels and gigantic passion and off kilter desires into a box that never quite fit and I felt the dissonance every single moment.
So I distracted myself from the truth because I didn’t know how to change it.
I thought I needed to do all the things you do to be happy and to thrive- get married, have kids, have a respectable career, a monogamous relationship, traditional sex. Then I woke the fuck up and realized that most of that isn’t for me.
So instead I decided to do it my way.
I’ve chosen a path that allows me to thrive in every single aspect of my life.
I’ve chosen a life partner who I hug and kiss and tell I love at least 20 times a day (this is not an exaggeration) and laugh with every single day and love with my whole heart and it keeps getting better and better in these 9 years we’ve been together.
Together we’ve chosen a relationship model that allows for more love, more joy, more sex, more pleasure, more fun, more support and for our needs to be met in and out of our relationship.
Together we decided not to have children so we have more space, time, energy and money to be in love with each other, our lives and our other partners. But we also are open to welcome the children of our partners and close friends into our lives wholeheartedly.
I’ve chosen to shift to a career that allows me to support people in experiencing sexual liberation and deep pleasure, healing sexual trauma as well as support polyamorous folks on their journey.
This is my life. I’ve chose it every piece of it by saying “yes: to that which is aligned and “no” to that which no longer fits. I’ve carefully selected who I want to be a part of it because I know I am worthy of nothing less.
I know that the shit I was spoon fed for the first half of my life doesn’t have to be “the way.”
I’ve chosen to liberate myself. And I can easily say that I’ve never been happier, healthier or more fulfilled.
You don’t have to fit the mold. The mold is a bullshit model designed to keep us stuck, controlled and unhappy so we will buy shit to make ourselves feel better.
You can live your life in way that fills you up, brings you joy, turns you on and brings you deep pleasure. And you can find others who get you and respect you for your choices.
And yes, I recognize that this is a privilege and that for some living full out is down right dangerous. I’ve chosen to use my privilege to write about my unconventional life as a way to normalize different ways of existing in a world that has a very hard time accepting different models of living.
And if anyone has an issue with the way I have chosen to express myself and my life to them I say, I hope you are as happy as I am and if you’re not that might just be the reason for your judgment.