The past few days I was feeling SO heavy, depleted and drained. It was a struggle to write this week’s blog.
I even had a different opening here because it felt inauthentic to not speak to how I was feeling when I wrote this.
Luckily today I feel so much better and have so much more energy. When we give yourself space to feel our they tend to shift. But I wanted to keep the rest of this because it was how I was feeling in the moment and part of what helped me to shift my energy.
Reason 701 why I love writing this blog. Moving on…
Last week was a big ass week for me. I went to the beach for the day, got a haircut, slept over my best friend’s house (someone I have consciously chosen to be part of my quarenpod) and had my very first a socially distanced date (which was my first date of any kind in 7 months.)
I did all of this shit in 3 days after doing nothing more than grocery shop and take food to my father every other week for the past 4 months and let me tell you, I am FEELING it.
And it feels so weird and foolish that simple fun and enjoyable actions like going to the beach and going on a date could have me feeling so maxed but this is our world right now. I feel like I should simply be grateful for being able to do all of those lovely things.
And of course it’s not just that. It’s ALL the things we are all holding right now. Those outing were just the final Jenga piece that was one too many. Yup, fun things can max us out too.
As someone who can feel others energy quite deeply I forgot how much of a safety net being on zoom is. (90% of my human interactions have been through screens for the past 4 months). Being thrust in front of so many people last week was more than I anticipated.
I’ve adapted to all of the changes we have been forced to acquiesce to (well some of us minus those bitching about having to wear a face masks) and have actually enjoyed a lot of the changes and routines I’ve been able to create as a result: from Saturday fancy dinner night with my love where we dress up and I cook, to being able to work out and meditate every morning, to my weekly zoom chat with my best friend.
But this week I’m full. I’m maxed out. I’m fucking exhausted. I’m overwhelmed.
So much so that I don’t really have that much to say right now. This is it.
So instead of forcing something that just won’t budge I’m going to simply say this…
The world is hard right now. It’s asking us to hold so damn much. To feel so damn much. To change so damn much.
And I say this as a white women who has a fuck load of privilege in acknowledgement of all the ways I have benefited from the privilege for all these years.
If you feel full right now, maxed, about to burst from the seams, you’re not alone. I see you and I am sending you love.
Next week I’m taking a break. I will be in a yurt and then a tent for a few days with my love and will be completely ulplugged.
Because if I’m going to show up for you and my partners and my friends and my family and my clients and my homework and oh yea, MYSELF, I need a break.
I know that my ability to take a break is a privilege. One that I am deeply grateful for.
I hope you are finding ways to care for yourself. If you can’t take a full on break what can you give yourself to keep life sustainable?
We can be strong and powerful and thriving and at the very same time overwhelmed and full and maxed out. It’s not a game of either/or. Both can be true at the same time.
So wherever you are in your journey right now remember to have compassion. With yourself. With others. With your inner child.
And take as much space as you can. Even if it’s going out and sitting in your car and singing Zombie by the Cranberries at the top of your lungs 4 times in a row. Find your moments to release and breath. I’ll see you in a few weeks…