One time I was looking for a mailbox so I could mail a letter and just as I lifted my head in search I saw a mailman walking gingerly towards me.
Excitement lit my eyes as I hustled over to him with great delight and asked him if he could take my letter. I’m pretty sure there was a happy dance involved.
I remember he commented on my enthusiasm for this simple act of mailing a letter (an act that at this moment in time we are learning not to take for granted) with a part enjoyment part bewilderment.
To say I have passion is an understatement.
When I like someone I thrust myself towards them with all the force of a freight train fueled by a case of 14 hour energy. When I love someone, it’s 10 freight trains and 5 cases.
But my passion isn’t just reserved for lovers and mail.
The first article I ever wrote for the Huff Post went viral and I got so excited and so overwhelmed by all the energy coming at me that I let it consume me and wound up with a nasty cold shortly after.
My relationship with my passion has never been a balanced one. It’s always been all or nothing.
I never knew that grounded passion was possible. My passion has never been grounded.
It’s been a forest fire that swallows up everything in its path, me included.
My passion was raw and greedy and incoherent and all consuming. But never grounded. Never steady.
It was all fire. Zero earth. Until now.
For what feels like the first time in my life I’m experiencing passion that feels steady with roots that dig deep into the ground yet allow me to reach towards the clouds all in the same breath. All in the same orgasm.
Instead of letting my passion drag me along on the back of it’s bumper I’m in the driver’s seat and steering the wheel.
I’m clear. Focused. In charge. While delightfully enjoying the ride.
What’s changed? Well, me of course. I’ve changed.
I’m no longer allowing passion to disconnect me from myself. I’m not letting it uproot me in a search for something better that always seems just out of my grasp.
Because nothing is better than the love and recognition I can give myself. Nothing.
Once I began resourcing this love and this safety from myself, once I healed those pieces that kept me so disconnected, once I saw what was possible with and in myself, then my passion became grounded.
Because I became grounded. Rooted in my own understanding that I can fulfill all I seek. Me. I’ve got the goods.
Then I was able to share all that goodness with others in a much steadier way.
I didn’t need to gobble it up like a last meal with fear I’d never get another.
For so long I’ve resourced it from elsewhere. That has always left me feeling slightly unfulfilled. I was missing the point. I was the point.
And yes, it still has its flair ups. I can feel it wash over me like an unforgiving storm.
Only now I’m able to conduct it with a skill and grace I never had before.
Because that passion is rooted in the knowing that I am (and you are) and always will be enough.
2 comments
Woman, I almost wrote girl, but you are a woman and an amazing one at that. I admit I used to believe you wrote your blog because you needed the attention but I learned a while ago, you are one of the most giving people I know. You have shared so much of yourself and I have benefited from it. Looking forward to participating in one of your new offerings soon. Helene 😘
Thank you for this beautiful reflection Helene. It means a lot and I am so happy to hear that you have benefited. Looking forward to working with you!!
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