*Disclaimer: This conversation is for the grown and sexy. Consider yourself warned…
I remember the first time I had an orgasm.
I was on my parent’s sofa with a guy who was 5 years older than me who’s nickname was that of a very popular beverage. His hands where down my pants and I was wondering what the delicious sensation I was feeling was and how could I keep feeling it.
And this was nowhere near my first sexual encounter. I’d done most of the “sexy things” by that point and while it was interesting and fun and pleasurable I still hadn’t experienced that delicious peak of pleasure.
Over the years I was indoctrinated in the limiting dialogue of what an orgasm is and how as a woman with a vulva I could expect to have one.
The clitoris was the way. The golden ticket. The holy grail. And at that point my knowledge of what the clitoris even was was limited and incorrect. Here’s a hint. It’s way more than just the tip.
And that was my lane for many years. Focus on my clitoris, give me one of those earth shattering orgasms and all is well.
And hey, I’m not complaining. That shit was good. But as I said, it was limiting.
And while I loved penetrative sex and kissing and and touching and all the fun things that came with having sex in my twenties, I also wasn’t sure if what I was experiencing was orgasmic.
This is a point that is really quite ridiculous when you think about it. As if a sexual encounter has to be amazing to end in an orgasm. News flash, it does not.
And what does that even mean?! How can anyone else tell me if what I am experiencing is orgasmic?! But the truth is it happens all the time.
We are told what an orgasm is and how we should be experiencing it and if we don’t fit that criteria we can feel like a failure and if we DO meet that criteria we may stop exploring because we think we’ve reached the peak and there isn’t anywhere else to go.
And trust me there are SO many more places to go. And not just for vulva owners. Penis owners can be multiorgasmic too.
Fast forward to the past 5 years of my life. In these past 5 year I’ve experienced more sexual pleasure than in all of my 20’s and 30’s combined.
Some of it ended in orgasms and some ended in laughter and cuddles. Some involved penetration and some involved being spanked. The point is there are SO many ways to have fulfilling sexual experiences with or without orgasms.
But,what would happen if we started thinking about orgasms differently??
Instead of a thinking of an orgasm as this climax that has to come from a very specific area of your body and feel a very specific way, what if we started considering an orgasm as a peak of pleasure?
What if we could experience orgasms in areas of our bodies that weren’t even our genitals. Guess what?! We can! We just have to expand our idea of what an orgasm is.
A client actually asked me that the other day. What is the definition of an orgasm? Hmm. I had to think about it for a moment. This is what I told her…
An orgasm is a peak of pleasure felt in our bodies that can be experienced as a soft and gentle or strong and powerful momentum.
An orgasm can be felt as a tingling sensation or an undulation or in ripples and waves. An orgasm can be birthed from the obvious places like the clitoris or penis or vagina or in not so obvious places like the nipples or the cervix or the perineum.
Take me for example. A few years ago I realized that I could orgasm from a hand gently hovering or caressing my upper back. Yup. True story. And it feels as AHHHMAZING as any other orgasm I’ve ever felt.
I’ve also realized that I’ve been having vaginal orgasms for years. I was just so caught up with what a clitorial orgasm felt like that I didn’t understand that orgasms can feel like more than one thing.
Here’s the thing…
We’ve been conditioned to repress and restrict our sexual potential. We’ve received little to no education on how our sexual bodies work, even at times basic anatomy or how trauma affects our ability to experience sensation and pleasure.
This shit is ridiculous but true. But the beautiful thing is we are capable of reclaiming our sexual sovereignty and empowering ourselves by starting our own sexual revolution.
Our relationship with our sexuality and our orgasmic ability can be so very healing.
And it requires no one but yourself. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been with myself. This is something I couldn’t say until this past year and a half of experiencing wildly profound healing through my practice of Authentic Tantra.
Through my work with tantra and sexual somatic healing I was able to heal so much trauma and and a result my body has opened to so much more sensation and pleasure.
We are sexual beings who are capable of more than we think and more than we’ve been led to believe. I encourage you to explore what is possible beyond the limits of what you know. Delicious possibilities await you…
And if you would like to learn more about what orgasms are possible for vulva owners CLICK HERE for my guide where I break down 14+ different orgasms. PS There are that many for penis owners too! I just need to complete that booklet…