Can I Forgive You If I Don’t Want to See You?

There is someone in my life I need to forgive.

I know this because when I think of this person my lips literally turn up in a snarl and my nose scrunches up like when I open my trashcan that is stinky and needs to be changed.

But it’s not likely I’m going  to talk to this person about it any time soon. Possibly ever if I’m being honest.

And this may shock you. If you know me and have been following along on my breakthrough adventures then you know that I LOVE communication and I am all about clearing stuff.

But I don’t always think we need to talk to a person in order to clear stuff or even forgive them.

Case in point my exboyfriend.

We dated for three years from the time I was 21-24 years old. Our relationship was tumultuous, emotionally abusive and down right toxic.

He was also quite controlling and manipulative, which left scars that have taken me years to heal.

And to be clear, I was no angel. We both had our issues as is often the case with unhealthy relationships.

But in time I forgave him. And I now have compassion for him.

Now when I think about him I recall the parts of our relationship that were positive.

Like the fact that he was my gateway into yoga. Or the fact that because of our relationship and his creative energy I decided to bag law school and pursue writing.

Or the fact that one of the most beautiful pieces I’ve ever written was inspired by him.

He was a MAJOR influence in my life in both illuminating and excruciating ways.

So while it took years, I forgave him, without ever having to see him or talk to him about it. I did that work on my own.

Sometimes it’s not healthy or safe for us to see the people we need to forgive. Sometimes we will just be spinning our wheels trying to get a response from the person that we may never get. And sometimes we can’t see that person because they have passed on.

In my case, the person I currently need to forgive doesn’t really think they did anything wrong.

And perhaps I will one day let them know how much their actions hurt me but for now I feel I need to take matters into my own hands and forgive them regardless of whether they are sorry.

Because here is the thing about holding resentment in your bones and your heart for someone, it often hurts you way more than it hurts them. 

That resentment is a poison that can infect your life. So it is up to you to release it.

And while this isn’t an easy thing to do, it’s often times needed.

So how do you forgive someone you may never see again? My favorite way is writing a letter to that person and saying everything you need to say. Then burning it. So Powerful.

What about you? How do you forgive those that have hurt you without seeing them? I’d love to hear. Let me know in the comments below.

Forgiveness is such a powerful tool on the path of healing. And it takes such courage and strength to use it. But in the end it will almost always set you free.

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