I Want to Show You Another Side of Me

It all started with Beyonce’. 

It was the end of 2013 and her album Beyonce’ had just dropped and people were talking.

This album was provocative and real and raw in a way her others weren’t.

I remember sitting at brunch with my best friend, talking shit on Beyonce’.

I know, sacrilege. Especially since I now consider Queen Bae to be my spirit animal.

But talk shit I did.

She was too provocative.

What about her daughter?

Is this the message she wanted to send little girls that look up to her? Women that looked up to her??

And on and on.

Shortly after that I received a group email talking about this same album saying how empowering and amazing and inspiring it was.

I disagreed and started a long, loving and conscious debate with the amazing women on the thread.

Women I respected deeply. Women I admired. Fiercely Feminine Powerhouses for sure.

From these conversations I realized something. And over the past few years this understanding crystalized for me.

I was judging Beyonce’ because she was holding up a big fat mirror for me.

And that mirror reflected my stifled and repressed and shamed sexuality.

Such a sexual being I was in my early twenties. But it was completely imbalanced.

Then in my late twenties and early thirties I covered it up because frankly I couldn’t handle it.

I didn’t know how to be that sexual being without being attached to other peoples opinions of me.

I didn’t know how to love my sex and all the pieces that made it up because so many people had rejected it due to my STD. 

So when I saw Lady B coming into her own in a different and raw way as a woman, a person of color, a mother, a lover and so much more, it freaked me out.

Once I realized this I decided I wanted to do something about it.

I wanted to do a boudoir photo shoot.

And it just so happened that one of my long time clients was a high end photographer who did these very kinds of photo shoots.

But instead of scheduling it, I put it off.

And off and off and off.

Until over 3 1/2 years later it happened.

While working with her one Friday the idea brushed through my mind. I needed to ask her about it. But still I didn’t.

The very next day she text me asking if I wanted to do a boudoir shoot that Monday because she would have a makeup artist.

I almost declined.

Actually I did at first.

Then I changed my mind.

And what transpired were three hours of pure empowerment.

I tapped in to my inner goddess.

I allowed my softness to come out.

I allowed myself to be vulnerable.

I allowed myself to be naked.

And it was amazing.

And hot.

And sexy.

And beautiful.

So why am I showing you the pictures below? Why not just keep them for myself and my fiance’?

Honestly, because that’s what I’m supposed to do.

Sex is supposed to be neatly tucked away to the corners of our bedrooms. And because women’s bodies are so often degraded and sexualized we are supposed to keep them neatly tucked away too.

So instead, I’m putting myself out there.

(And please know that as empowering as this is, it also scares the shit out of me. Especially sharing the last picture.)

All of me.

My thighs.

My butt.

My breasts.

Me.

I love my body.

I love myself.

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

And neither do you.

So without further delay….

Here are pieces of me I want you to see.

I hope they empower you to put yourself out there in whatever way empowers you.

Or to simply love yourself more fiercely.

Photo Credit: Peggy Abrams Photography

Photo Credit: Peggy Abrams Photography

Photo Credit: Peggy Abrams Photography

Photo Credit: Peggy Abrams Photography

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