Last Thursday started as a very chill, uplifting and inspiring day.
I took a yoga class with a dear friend in the morning, which lead to us hanging after and talking about all of my new adventures.
In the afternoon I found myself laying in the grass by a big tree reading a book about a girl who drank the moon. It was sweetness personified.
Then all hell broke loose.
I had a long unexpected conversation that pushed some of my biggest buttons.
Friday was more of the same.
And while you know I am one for big juicy details this time I’m going to leave it at that.
Stuff was coming up in big tumultuous chunks. And I wasn’t prepared.
I felt uneasy. Uncertain. I felt fear crashing over me in buckets.
And by Saturday morning I felt shut down and guarded.
I could sense it in my body. My heart was not having it.
So I took a yoga class hoping that I’d at least shift some of it.
You know those yoga classes where you pray that it gives you exactly what you need because otherwise you don’t know the next part of the plan and are banking on a class to get you there? Yup, that was it.
After some typical flow and asana we moved to the wall for an inversion extravaganza.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I did around 10 handstands and forearm stands, a long headstand and 5 backbends, 4 of them being wheel.
After we finished with a big cushy bolster under our backs with our legs up the wall and a strap around our ankles.
By the end of the class I felt like an entirely different person.
The shields around my heart had faded significantly.
I felt soft. Relieved. Hopeful.
Often we think in order to soften that you need to do something soft. Like meditate or take a restorative or gentle yoga class.
Often we think women need to be soft.
Sometimes this is totally the case but sometimes it is not.
I’m not always soft. I’m rough around the edges.
And in order for me to soften I first needed to feel wildly empowered.
How could I let me guard down if I didn’t feel united with my power?
Handstands do that for me. They help me to feel bad ass. They flip my world on it’s head. Literally.
And this felt like an epiphany for me.
This idea of needing to feel strong in order to soften.
So often strength can be viewed as aggressive, masculine, hard.
But it doesn’t need to be. Strength can be quiet. Powerful. Divinely feminine.
I went into the rest of my day feeling so connected and empowered. Sure I still had more to process but what a difference.
The effect one single yoga class can have on me will never cease to amaze me.
Of course I know it’s not just that one class. It’s the hundreds of classes embedded in my bones and vibrating in my cells as well. But truly this practice is magic.
It will transform you from base metal into gold. Alchemy at it’s best.
Next time you’re in a head spin or feel closed up like I did, find a yoga class, give it up. Surrender.
But also allow yourself to feel strong as hell.
For me it’s that balance that makes all the difference.
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