I Voiced This Truth and Freed Our Sex Life

Last week I spoke a truth that I’ve never spoken out loud. I’ve barely even thought it.

Because I was scared of what it meant, which is completely ridiculous. WE are the ones that put meaning to things.

Nothing comes prepackaged with meaning.

Still I was worried.

But last week for some reason those fears completely dissolved leaving me to not give a shit.

Nick and I were discussing our sex life and how even after we’ve opened our relationship sometimes we still don’t have super steady sex.

Some week’s it’s 3 or 4 times. Some it’s one or two. Sometimes it can be longer.

It had been 10 days and I had been sick and he was working a ton and ect ect ect.

When this happens we both go into judgmental fear mode. Like what does this mean?!

So we were having one of those conversations. But this time it was different.

This time I spoke to something I have never fully voiced before.

This time I talked about our chemistry.

I talked about how even from the beginning our chemistry was never off the charts.

While we have always enjoyed kissing and making out and having great sex with each other, we have never had that kind of can’t keep my hands off of you relationship.

Our relationship was never fueled by thirsty passion. It’s been fueled by many other things. And last week I put it out there. For the first time in 6 years.

Because I. DON”T. GIVE. A. SHIT.

Finally!!!!

Freedom, you guys. Freedom.

For the first time I realized that not only does it not matter but that it’s actually healthier for me.

Our relationship grounds me.

It has given me the foundation in my life to grow and blossom and thrive.

Sometimes that crazy chemistry can make me well, crazy.

And our sex is awesome. And adventurous.

And we explore our kinks.

And we’ve opened our relationship and it all feels amazing.

But there was this idea that opening our relationship was going to change our sex life.

And in many ways it did. For the better. BIG time.

But it can’t change our chemistry.

And it doesn’t need to.

Our chemistry is based on adoration as opposed to primal passion.

It’s joyful and full of light.

It’s loving and kind.

It’s steady and honest.

And when we get going it’s also quite passionate but the entry point is different.

Sometimes we need to plan a bit in advance. Sometimes it’s simply hey, want to have sex??

And I know, that doesn’t sound super sexy but once we get in and I’m having multiple orgasms does it really matter?

Ummm hell no.

There are very distinct messages out there regarding how our sex is supposed to look. What a healthy relationship is. And how much sex we should be having. And for years I have let it weigh me down.

Even when I fight against those conditioned ideas I often still feel their presence in my body.

But last week something clicked. I could actually feel it.

I was totally clear. I sat up in our bed and proclaimed that how we do things is just fine. In fact it’s great.

We go through sexy spurts. Sometimes the energy is lower. And sometimes it’s super high.

As long as it works for us, that is what matters.

I used a lot of f bombs. I do that when I’m really revved up. It felt really good.

But what we both realized is that when we just let our sex life be our sex life, it’s actually pretty damn good.

When we start judging it, comparing it or putting pressure on it (like we haven’t had sex in 10 days we must have sex or it means we aren’t awesome!!!) then shit doesn’t flow.

So I said things I needed to say. And now they no longer plague us. Because we choose our own meaning.

No one can tell you what works for YOU. Only you know. Deep down.

And sometimes you have to voice your fears and your truths before you can move past them.

Never let them fester. They won’t move that way. Bring them out in the light.

I did. And let me tell you it feels great.

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