When a Codependent Yoga Teacher Tries to Date

The title of this blog feels like the beginning of a dirty joke. 

But the tales are codependent yoga teachers is no joke. That shit is real.

I’ve found over the years that codependent people tend to gravitate towards careers in which they can help others.

Of course they do.

Also let me just say, I think we are all a little codependent. I really do. Unless you’ve taken steps to heal and get super conscious and aware.

I think it’s a big part of our society. Getting help. Being helped. Depending on others to make us feel better. Wanting to make others feel better so we can feel better. It’s a fine line between healthy and dysfunctional. 

And then put dating into the mix and KABOOM. All hell breaks loose.

You should have seen me in my 20’s. I attracted so many emotionally fucked up men. Deep trauma.

And I say that with love. But they were a mess and all could have benefitted from an awesome therapist.

No worries though. Because I was personally going to heal every last one of them.

Boy did I try. Surprisingly it didn’t happen.

Please note: I am feeling very sarcastic today. It’s just my mood. Or perhaps it’s my defense mechanism for talking about codependency? One may never know…

Anyways, I was a yoga teaching, love filled, yoga pant wearing, oming beast and I kept attracting dudes who needed a lot of emotional healing.

Fast forward to when I opened my relationship two years ago and low and behold I started attracting a similar breed. I mean one after the other.

The codependency swept in like a freaking storm. And I didn’t stand a chance.

That’s when I started to look at codependent habits in ALL of my relationships. Even the ones I thought were exempt from it.

Turns out if you’re codependent in one relationship there’s a good chance those habits show up everywhere.

So now I watch it. I check myself. But also I notice if I attract someone who isn’t quite where they want to be.

That person who isn’t completely happy with their life but isn’t doing anything about it.

That person who is guarded, which means I need to front a good deal of emotional labor.

Or simply the person who isn’t vibrating at the frequency they totally could be and I see their potential to get out of that negativity and go for it. I’m suckers for those people.

And I’m not saying there is anything wrong with those people. There isn’t. They’ll find there way. I just know I can’t be the one to guide them. They need to do that on their own. People pay me to offer guidance and bear witness to their own transformation. I don’t need to take on this role in my relationships. 

Of course we will all go through struggles and need support and love. And I will absolutely provide that for the loves in my life. The difference is that they know that THEY are in their own drivers seat. Not me. I can’t be. That shit doesn’t work.

So now I’m very mindful of who I let into my life. And now I know it’s perfectly ok to choose to only connect with those who are in a healthy place in their life.

So when I feel the urge to pick someone up by their boot straps after first meeting them I know that I may want to rethink this. After dating them for a while well sure. We all need a little bootstrap pick ups every now the then.

Ultimately though no one can fix or heal anyone else. I don’t care if their you’re lover, you’re best friends, your partner, your yoga teacher, someone who actually calls themselves a “healer” or even your therapist.

We don’t need to be fix. We simply need to be listen to and loved.