The Fine Art of Pleasuring Ourselves

Masterbation has always been part of my repertoire since I was a teenager. 

Bathtubs, shower heads, a few vibrators I rarely used and this weird face massager that I never actually used as a face massager were all my tools when I was younger.

I don’t even fully know how I figured out this was a thing. I mean no one talks about it. And it always felt way more acceptable for boys than girls. At least in my world.

The thing I’ve always noticed throughout the years is that when I am having sex with others this shit happens way less.

When I am getting my needs met from someone else I have less of a need to meet them myself.

As a woman who has up until this point mostly engaged with humans of my opposite sex, I feel like it’s been engrained in me that my orgasmic needs are best fulfilled from said opposite sexed humans. AKA, men.

Yet lately I’ve been mostly refraining from sex. Like having WAY less than I have in the past year and my body is straight up confused as all hell.

My sleep patterns are messed up, I’m not as relaxed despite the fact that I’m doing yoga 5-7 times a week and meditating daily and I can literally feel the response in my body.

What can I say, my body LOVES sex.

So this weekend during my Sexual Being intensive as we talked about how much time we really give ourselves for solo pleasure I started thinking…

For me it’s about 3 minutes. Always in the shower. It’s never an event despite the fact my engagements with another could last for hours.

And so I started wondering. Why is that? Why am I not valuing my time with myself more? Why am I sequestering my pleasure for when it is with another person?

I mean the act of sex can be a beautiful form of connection, so why not take more time to have it with myself?

So recently I did just that.

I’ll save the details for my erotica book if I ever write one…

Tears filled my eyes as I realized that I can fulfill my own needs in big and beautiful ways all by myself.

This intimate moment with myself reminded me that so often we place our value in connecting with others whether it be sexually or otherwise when there is so much potential in giving ourselves the time and space to BE with ourselves. To feel and experience ourselves. To listen to our own needs and realize we are actually capable of fulfilling them. 

It reminds me of an affirmation one of my brilliant clients came up with after a meditation…

I am all that I need. 

At first look this can seem lonely or the thoughts of someone who doesn’t need the help or love of anyone else but on the contrary it is SO important to recognize that while life can be so pleasing with lovers and friends and family and all kinds of connections that often we can forget that we are totally capable of meeting our own needs too.

That everything we need is neatly nestled inside our own bodies, wrapped up in the consciousness that created us and as a result we are absolutely complete.

And when we can remember this we are more likely to stay rooted in our own power and sense of self. We are more likely to look inside of ourselves for love and affection and affirmation and validation as opposed to trying to desperately to pry it out of someone else. 

So take some time to do you this week. Literally.

But also just show yourself some love.