The Struggle of Accepting Who I am in a World That Doesn’t Fully Get It

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I’ve never much believed in compartmentalizing.

I’ve always thought sequestering pieces of ourselves from other pieces just felt disconnected and ridiculous.

Work needs to be separated from our relationships. Some of our relationships need to be separated from others. There are certain things I can do and say here but not there.

That shit is exhausting.

So as a result I’ve tried to show up as myself in all of the areas of my life.

I’m not a yoga teacher and transformation coach when I’m doing the work and then go and meet a friend for dinner and kick off those shoes to put on another pair.

These aspects of myself are permanently embedded into the fabric that makes up my life, my skills and my personality.

They occupy every moment of my life and I’d never want to lock them away because someone may not understand or respect them.

I used to see that often when I taught yoga teacher trainings. I still see it from time to time with clients.

They would begin coming into a new layer of their awareness and consciousness but everyone around them wasn’t quite there yet.

So they kept it under wraps finding solace in those moments where they could be around people who really understood them.

And I get this. It’s hard going against a grain you helped to construct with people who you related to in so many ways.

Then suddenly you change and there is a dissonance between you because you no longer dance on the same vibration.

And while I am totally comfortable in my skin as a mystical, magical, wild witch of a woman, in the past few years a lot has changed.

I’ve come at out as being polyamorous/ethically nonmonogamous.

I’ve come out as being bisexual.

I’ve been exploring BDSM and my kinks, something I’ve not yet full talked about.

I’ve expressed my sexuality through pictures and posts because I want to be seen in this way too.

Because this is who I am. All of the time.

But the thing is that while I express my truth of these identities as often as I can, they don’t come up that naturally.

So as I move through the world most people who don’t know me assume I’m a straight, monogamous woman who, wants kids and probably isn’t into being tied up and spanked while filthy phrases spew from the mouth of whoever I’m playing with.

I know this to be true because people prove this to me on a regular basis.

We all do it from time to time. Even if we don’t want to. We assume.

We assume we know who someone is because of the years of conditioning that tells us that people who look like this way live, love and want like this.

This is where I struggle. And I know I’m not alone in this. I also know that what I struggle with is nowhere near as intense and scary as some who are misunderstood by society.

So this is why I do this. Why I push so hard sometimes.

Part of it I’m sure is that there are still pieces of myself I need to accept more fully because I know that there are people in my life and in the world who never will.

But also I just want us to stop assuming we know each other without ever actually taking the time to get to.

This is how we heal this world. We take a stroll on another area of land that is way different from ours and we bare witness to the beautiful and often misunderstood human beings who are occupying it.

So as we approach a holiday that gives privilege to those in relationships, leaving those who are single to feel left out and either shitty or rebellious, perhaps shift your perspective on what love really is.

It’s holding the space for each of us to be who we are in all of our glory without shame, fear or guilt.

We all just want to be loved. And acceptance is a part of that.