The close of this year and turn of this decade feels extra significant for me.
I was born in 1980 so the turn of a decade is also a move into an entire different age bracket for me.
In other words I turn 40 in 2020!!
Now I’ll spend plenty of time talking about this shift as it gets closer but let me just say I’m psyched about it.
But I can’t help but remember what big changes I was moving towards in 2010.
Changes that look quite similar at we quickly approach 2020.
In 2009 life as I knew it was morphing into a entirely new species.
All of my friendships were coming to a close because we just didn’t share the same values or beliefs any longer.
But not just that, my relationship with food, alcohol and my sexuality was all changing.
I became vegetarian, I stopped drinking for a bit to redefine my relationship with alcohol and I no longer needed to be validated by toxic men who didn’t give a shit about me. Well at least I was starting to move into that last one.
Plus I was gearing up for my big 4-month trip to Brazil, Tanzania and India in May 2010, a trip that changed me to me core.
So year 2009-2010 was transformative AF.
There was SO much on the horizon that I didn’t even have a clue about. So many life defining moments.
And this transition into 2020 feels mystically reminiscent in so many ways.
In just a few weeks I will begin a year long tantra sex coaching certification. Once again at the decades shift I am on the precipice of a deeply defining and world altering adventure.
And I didn’t plan it this way. It just happened.
If you told me 10 years ago that I would be getting certified as a tantric sex coach, in a polyamorous relationship with no kids, into BDSM, dating women as well as men and posting half naked pictures of myself in my full goddess glory on a regular basis I would have stared at you in wonderment as I tried to figure out what polyamorous and BDSM even meant.
I did however know I would meet my great love and partner who would eventually become my husband. That I had been manifesting for quite some time.
And come to think of it (like in this moment as I write this) as I moved in 2000 I was also on the precipice of so BIG changes. I went from the path of becoming a lawyer to tapping into my creative urges and finding yoga. So yeah decades are big for me.
But now here I am. More fulfilled than I’ve ever been in a life that I never ever expected to have.
A life that took me a few years to even accept that I wanted because I had to expunge the layers to shame that clung to me like barnacles on the bottom of a ship.
Unconventional living is tricky like that. First we need to examine the years of conditioning that lead us astray in the first place so that we can be present to what it is we really want and then give ourselves permission to actually receive it.
And here I am moving into this new year still opening up to more. It simultaneously baffles me and make perfect sense.
Because my friends there is always more to explore, more to heal, more to understand and more to love. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be content and present with our moments but our mystery is always unfolding and if we wish to engage with it we can.
While my eating and drinking habits as well as many other pieces of my life feel firmly planted I can see some of my relationships shifting.
I feel the pull to want to spend my time with people who not only accept my lifestyle but are also a part of it. AKA Ethically non monogamous folks.
There is something to be said for surrounding yourself with people who speak your language and just get it.
Now this isn’t to say that I don’t adore my friends and that some of my friendships are stronger than ever even though our lifestyles are SO different (case in point my best friend who lovingly refers to herself as my secondary partner).
But it also feels good to be around people who live similarly to me. It just does. And this took me some time to open to letting them in.
All this to say that when we change things about ourselves that change echos out into ripples that take time to land, expand and grow. Change doesn’t happen all at once. It is a slow journey often times in many steps. Each one necessary to the whole.
So as we move into this new year and new decade I feel so very grateful for all that has unfolded in the past 10 years. So much that I would have never imagined.
What about you? I would love to hear how your life has changed in this past decade. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
PS Tomorrow is the final day to donate to my fundraiser for my tantra sex coach certification. Want to support me?? Here’s the link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/tstzz