Last week’s post unexpectedly shook me to my core.
OK, that’s dramatic. But then again, I’m dramatic. If you read this then you know that.
Last week’s post felt like I labored and birthed a deeper understanding about the kind of relationships I tend to attract and the harm they cause me.
It’s been something that I’ve been dancing with for a while. In fact I wrote the title of last week’s post in my notes months ago but it felt like I had no idea what it really meant. It was simply a foreshadowing of what was to come.
But something crystalized when I wrote the words down and then read them to my partner. I felt it in my throat, across the top of my shoulders, my neck and down into my chest.
Then I shared it on Instagram and here and so many people connected with it, which only deepened the experience.
Then on top of that a few past relationships resurfaced in one way or a another (perhaps more on that another time) leaving me feeling a bit ruffled. A coincidence? I think not. Touche Universe. Touche.
So this week I don’t feel like doing what I usually do. I need more time to process and feel.
Every week I reach into my the inner workings of my heart and intricately pour my guts onto the page. I’m vulnerable. I put myself out to be seen and heard. Most likely judged.
And make no mistake, I enjoy it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t benefit deeply.
I put myself out there because it feels like an authentic expression of my purpose. Because I trust that what I have to offer could support others and shift the paradigm that keeps us steeped in the fear of being and loving ourselves unapologetically.
But also, it’s therapeutic and helps me process some big truths that reveal themselves on a regular basis. This outlet works for me and I will keep doing it as long as it keeps working.
But this week I don’t want to be as raw and unadulterated at I usually am. My heart said no thank you, so I’m listening.
I’m listening to what I need. And this week it’s to be a little softer. Less vulnerable. Not put so much out there.
It feels like a sweet moment to recognize that I have things I could write about but I’m choosing not to. Not because it’s uncomfortable or I’m afraid to but simply because this week it doesn’t feel right.
Instead of moving on to the next breakthrough, I’m listening to my heart and my gut and staying with these feelings for a while longer. Because when vulnerability is overused for the wrong reasons it can be harmful.
And these days vulnerability is often pushed. We are all encouraged to open up and be ourselves and speak our truth. But that always needs to be authentic and sustainable. Otherwise it’s not doing anyone any good.
So instead I’m creating some boundaries and choosing to keep my feels to myself this week. In a culture where everything is on display all of the time I think it’s important to remember that we don’t have to spill everything. Discernment is key.
We can keep some things to ourselves. This is having healthy boundaries with ourselves and it’s as important as the boundaries we have with each other.
So this week this is what your getting. May not be as raw but it’s certainly just as real. ♥️