I’m not a seductress. Although I know the above picture suggests otherwise…
I’ve always marveled at the women who have men dripping from their fingertips and hanging on their every word. It always looks so effortless.
I’ve never been good at playing it cool or playing the game or holding back for the sake of enticing someone.
Nope. I fall hard and fast and intensely and honestly and whole-heartedly.
I’m direct with my affection as much as possible. If I like you you know it. Quickly. There’s never a “wow I wish I knew how you felt” moment with me.
In the past I’ve scared a lot of people off with my big, juicy affection.
I’ve never been the person people pine over.
I mean in the beginning sure they tend to get quite excited but then I just offer up my tsunami of affection and their flame has a hard time staying lit.
I mean, not all flames, my 9 year relationship with the love of my life can attest to that.
In some ways I know that it’s my inner child trying to get the love and affection she craves. Love and affection that she didn’t quite feel the way she needed to when she was younger. She’s still in there asking to be seen and heard and loved.
And I’m in a much more reliable place now that allows me to give her the love and safety she requires so I don’t feel the need to outsource it.
This has allowed me to receive a bit more, release my attachment, and wait for someone to actually show the fuck up before I decide if I want to give them my time and energy.
In the past I’d simply set my sites set on someone for one reason or another and ignore all the reasons we weren’t a good fit.
And I’m not even talking red flags. More just traits that weren’t in alignment.
A lot of times in polyamory it’s more about logistical and practical stuff- do our visions align, how much time we want to spend together, what kind of relationship do we actually want. It’s easier to take this kind of stuff for granted in monogamous relationships but in polyamory the skies the limit. Visions and logistics need to aligned!
I’ve been noticing all of these shifts lately and they feel good. I love when I can see tangible changes and proof that all of the deep work I’m doing is bringing deep benefits.
But also I want to love and accept these pieces of myself too.
It’s so easy to judge the shit out of ourselves and nestle into a particular identity (like having an anxious preoccupied attachment style, which is totally what I am describing above).
Those identities can be helpful to understand our patterns but when all is said and done they aren’t who we really are and need not define us
Besides, I love the fact that I don’t know how to play the game.
Relationship games are for suckers. And I my friends am in it for the love.