Have you ever had a sexual relationship where the sex was so good that you couldn’t help but think that person probably walks on water in their spare time?
It was so amazing that you kind of wanted to create a bronze statue of their genitals to display on your alter for good luck?
Ok that second one is a little much but I think you get the point.
There are certain sexual connections where the person we are with makes us feel AMAZING.
They see us. They get what turns us on. They have the same desires and kinks. They know the spots that make our bodies SING.
The combination of our energy is palpable, powerful and so effortless.
And often times what happens when a person like this falls into my lap (literally) is that I give my sexual power away to them.
What I mean by this is that I think THEY are the reason I am having amazing orgasms or some of the best sex of my life.
They just have to be really good in bed. Right?
No not really. I don’t think that’s how it works.
I think we meet some people we have amazing chemistry with. Someone who makes us feel safe. Someone who make us feel seen and understood.
And often times we also share opposing wounds which add to the attraction because there is a piece of us trying to heal through the connection.
THESE are the pieces that lead to an amazing sexual connection.
But there is also another important ingredient…
YOU.
If you are having amazing sex with someone then consider what YOU are doing. Consider how you are connecting with your body, your needs and your desires. Because it’s not just them. It’s YOU.
I no longer think that someone else GIVES me an orgasm. That language is all wrong.
That exchange is a collaborative effort. And if it’s not and you’re not having the kind of orgasms you want to be having then consider making it a collaborative effort.
And by this I mean the more I am in tuned with my body and my desires and my own sexuality the more open I am to having mind blowing multiple orgasms.
I’m talking oxytocin for days.
I think that if we approach our pleasure this way it gives us more agency and power.
It’s been my experience that in this arena we can forget our own power and contribution and give that shit away.
And then as a result if the relationship ends we are left wondering where in the hell we will ever find that kind of chemistry and connection again.
I mean surely lightning doesn’t strike twice.
But indeed it does.
From my experience there are lots of people that can fulfill my needs, both sexual and emotional and when I get stuck in the quicksand of giving one person all of that power to fulfill me I’m neglecting my own connection to my body, my needs and my own power.
So yes celebrate those connections that are beautiful and hot and oh so sexy but remember that YOU are a part of that equation.
And if you called in that kind of amazingness once you can do it again…