Last week I had one of the most powerful sessions with my Shamanic Healer that I’ve ever had in all of the 8 years I have been seeing her.
I started seeing her a few months ago more consistently and it’s been so powerful and helpful.
If you are scratching your head thinking what the hell does a shamanic healer do?!? let me just say the work we do is often a lot of talking and counseling but with the intention of moving and clearing energy, sometimes going much deeper when needed.
She has a copious amount of training and experience in many specific fields so there are often many directions we can go.
In this particular session we did a soul retrieval.
It was something she suggested a few months back. Something I was putting off.
My experience of a soul retrieval is a shamanic ritual that reunites us with a piece of ourselves that was abandoned or just plain left our body because of a particular trauma or because it didn’t feel safe.
So the soul retrieval helps to bring these pieces of ourselves back home.
This all started a few months back when I was talking with my healer, Nan, about a memory when I was 5-years old in kindergarten.
Something got triggered in that moment and I went to a different place. Instant emotion rose. Fear crept into my body and my entire body tensed.
I didn’t actually have a full memory. And of course my mind went to the most intense possibilites. But the fact is when I think back nothing comes up.
Trauma can come in many forms and when we are that little even something small can create a big effect.
She suggested we do a soul retrieval but each time I went in for a session other things were coming up and it didn’t feel like the right time.
Until last week, when everything seemed to come to a head. Everything felt connected. I knew I needed to go into it.
So after talking for a bit I got on the bodywork table and we began.
Ok, now be warned….
This shit gets weird.
And I know this. Trust me.
But it happened. I didn’t make it up. I’m not that clever.
First she showered me with this liquid that smells just like citronella. As soon as she did this I saw a wild and seemingly crazy woman that was blue with long brown hair clawing the sides of the walls. She was growling and hissing.
I tried to stay with this image but realized I was trying too hard. So I simply watched.
Then Nan started using a rattle. I believe the purpose is to facilitate a deeper trans-like state.
She called this child-self back to me. I let her come.
But first I needed to let go of all of this energy that was in my solar plexus. This energy had been there for months. It had been causing me to tense the muscles around my stomach. It was creating a lot of anxiety.
So she put a stone on my stomach and my body started to pulsate and undulate. I started to cry and tense. It felt like that part of my body was trying to suck me in.
Then she instructed me to blow all of that stuff into the stone. But I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t let it go.
Then I saw a tiger (which interestingly enough a therapist friend of mine just told me is a spirit animal associated with healing trauma) come out of a jungle. He just stared at me calm and powerful.
I after 5 tries, I started to blow into the stone. Then I started to cough and hack and heave.
My entire body was gently shaking. Tears were spewing from my eyes. It was like I was vomiting air. It was INTENSE but I felt so relieved to be letting it all go.
And it didn’t really have memories attached to it. I didn’t need it to. I just needed to release it.
After I lay back down I saw a deer. It came out of a clearing. It felt steady and supportive.
But there was more. The child piece had to come back. And before she did I felt a big piece of myself clawing for her.
That piece took the form of concern about one little tiny part of a relationship. About a particular status. About me feeling special.
It was confusing and felt out of context. It felt silly but still I knew it needed to be acknowledged.
It felt like it had nothing to do with this child returning. I simply felt so unsettled. I saw an image of another woman who was fraught with worry.
As soon as Nan retuned this child piece of my soul the worry and the clawing went away completely. Instantly.
I saw the woman holding the child in her arms. It felt like all was well.
It felt like my entire life changed, even though in some ways nothing had.
It felt like the most powerful pieces (like the blue wild woman I saw, which Nan referred to as my wild serpent woman) are back where they need to be and because of this I will be able to harness my power in bigger and bolder ways.
Ways that have been alluding me for years.
It felt like this session brought so much together.
And now almost a week after I still feel the affects. I still have work to do.
But here’s the thing, we can look at life in a very direct mind-oriented way (the way we have been taught is often the only way) or we can realize there is always more than what meets the eye.
As I’ve said many times before…
Magic is real.
This shit is real. It exists.
And I know this explanation of my soul retrieval may be hard to swallow. I know that the skeptical mind we have been often taught to use may be coming up big time.
And that’s cool.
Each one of us gets to experience life as we wish.
I have chosen to dive as deeply into my own mystery as I feel I need to go.
With not much effort or force. Simply with love and trust.
And what I have discovered is that these various pieces that were restored were indirectly related to so many things I would never think of tying them to.
And that actually surprised me.
But I’ve come to learn that the rational mind cannot always understand these deeper pieces of our souls, our psyches and the Universe as a whole. Nor is it supposed to.
So the next time you feel the urge to go deeper. To explore yourself in new and mysterious ways. I say go for it.
Tap in. Trust.
There is always more than what meets the mind….
And if you want to work with my healer just drop me a line at Brittany@livingbeyondasana.com and I will put you in contact.
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