Even though I wrote it over a year ago, I still receive messages and emails from women who were moved and inspired by my article about living with genital herpes for the past 16 years.
You can check it out here: http://brittanypolicastro.com/2016/12/29/healing-rejection/
With over 470 million people around the world who have it, and 1 in 6 people in the US, I can’t say I’m surprised. This shit doesn’t go out of style.
But all of the women who have written to me in the past year are suffering.
They feel deep shame. And fear. And pain.
And truly, it breaks my heart.
Because the stigma is the hardest thing about having genital herpes.
For most people everything else about it is not that big of a deal.
Recently a few women have written me long and heart felt emails and I have yet to respond to them.
I just didn’t feel like I had the capacity to hold that kind of space right now, even though I read every word.
I’m currently holding a lot, what with my coaching biz and all.
So this blog post is for them…
When I wrote that post a year ago I had been with my partner, Nick, for almost 5 years and thought that it would just be him and I for forever.
I didn’t expect us to open our relationship. (Do you see where I’m going with this??)
I didn’t expect to blow up my own spot with a blog post anyone can read about how I have genital herpes.
Yeah, not something you put on your Ok Cupid profile.
And if you are wondering, yes men I have and am dating have seen it before I had a chance to tell them. Honestly it was way better than having that damn conversation.
But I have had that conversation. The one I though I’d never have to have again. And you know what?? The results have been completely different.
Every single man I have told so far, with whom I wanted to have a relationship, has been ok with it.
One guy had a girlfriend with HS1 (that’s the oral kind), one guy actually had it, one guy’s wife had it and on and on.
The point is, people are cool with it now.
And in the past they were not.
Most guys acted ok with it but would suddenly forget where my vagina was. I thought about drawing them a map but that seemed like overkill.
Some guys ended things with me.
But now that’s not the case.
So, what has changed??
One word.
ME.
I’ve changed.
My energy around it has changed.
The way I talk about it has changed.
The way I think about it has changed.
And when your perspective changes, everything tends to change with it.
In the past I came at it from victim mode.
Like: I’m sorry I am about to ruin your night by telling you this piece of information that may leave you running for the hills and if you do I don’t blame you because who would would to fuck me now?
Now I’m much more like: so I have this thing, it’s not that big of a deal, I haven’t had an outbreak for years, I can almost guarantee you’ve slept with someone who’s had it because it’s that common, we will always use protection, if you have any questions please ask.
Now I come from a much more empowered place.
Sure I’m still scared. Sure the convo still sucks. But then it’s over.
In the past I was so worried that a guy wouldn’t accept me and by doing this I put him on a pedestal and became fearful and needy. Two very sexy and attractive qualities, let me tell you.
Now I look at it like this:
If a man can’t accept me and all my amazingness because of this one little thing, a thing that hundreds of millions of other people have, then he’s not really worthy of my time, my love, my sex or my energy now is he??
No of course not.
I’m not saying I still don’t get nervous. Especially when I really like someone. I do.
My shit around this can still come up.
But then I remind myself of my own worth.
And I remind myself that the right guys will accept me. They just will. We will make it work.
So I don’t really need to worry.
And neither do you.
I know this shit sucks. But only if you let it suck.
You can have amazing sex. Even if you have genital herpes.
You can have amazing relationships. Even if you have genital herpes.
I currently have two.
You can still feel sexy and beautiful and free.
You can.
16 years in. I know this.
The power is in your hands.
Trust.
And if you are reading this and don’t have this STI thank you for reading until the end. Because we all need to spread the word. In fact please share this with someone who could benefit from it.
Stigmas are only stigmas because we let them be.
And if you are reading this and have genital herpes you can still write to me. Please please do. You can message me through Facebook or email me: Brittany@livingbeyondasana.com I will always read every word.
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