I’m Not Quite Ready to Share This Pain

I was all ready to write a really emotional blog this week.

I even sat down to write it and got half way through.

I struggled the whole way.

Then while I was in a yoga class to honor the divine feminine I realized something.

I’m not ready to write about how I’m feeling right now. At least not entirely.

This week has been really painful.

I was trying to power through, sit with my feelings, do my practices, accept it.

But really what I need to do is surrender to it.

That’s the hard part.

You’re probably wondering what’s going on.

Well that’s the thing, I was going to write all about it this week.

Bare my soul and my heart like I usually do, all raw and honest.

But then I realized, I don’t have to do that right now.

I don’t have to expose my already fragile self by expressing all of my stuff.

In this age of social media it’s so important to honor our needs and balance how we put ourselves out in the world. So often those of us that have chosen the path of the leader, the inspirer, the healer, we put ourselves out there so much.

We use ourselves as guinea pigs for how to live and love and heal.

And that is amazing. But we also have to be discerning on when to put ourselves our there completely and when to draw in. We use ourselves as guinea pigs for how to live and love and heal.

Right now I need to draw in.

So instead I spent the morning with one of my dearest friends and her new born baby.

And I purchased a 30 day unlimited yoga pass to a friend’s new studio.

And I began a new kriya to heal a broken heart.

All I will say for now is that my partner, whom I’ve been with for the past 1.5 years, and I broke up just one week after my wedding. (Reminder, I’m Poly. My husband and I are swell.)

So yeah. I’m going through it.

And I will talk about it eventually and how this breakup was so loving and conscious and how we handled it with grace and how fascinating and gut-wrenching  and surprising these layers of grief and loss are.

But for now I am choosing to care for myself and will keep this short and sweet.

Because I hold space for a lot of people and right now I need to hold space for myself.

I hope this is a reminder to you to love yourself enough to know your boundaries and honor your needs.

You deserve nothing less.

More to come…